Avail Jokes - page 2

Mother-in-Law Blues

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride. While they were walking through the barn, during the forced…

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Little Johnny’s Reward

This voluptuous young blonde owns a small hairy dog that goes by the name of Titswiggle. She adores the dog so much that she treats it as one of the family. One day, after coming home from work, she discovers her beloved dog has run away from home. Frantically she goes around the neighborhood searching every nook and cranny and calling out her dog’s name. She is so desperate that she resorts to knocking on the doors of her neighbors’…

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DALLAS OR BUST!

There’s a blonde sitting on an airplane when a gentleman walks up and says “Excuse me, miss, but you are sitting in my seat.” The blonde responds, “I’m blond, I’m beautiful and I’m going to Dallas!” and remains seated. The guy says, “But you are sitting in MY seat. You need to find your seat.” She once again says, “I’m blond, I’m beautiful and I’m going to Dallas!” and doesn’t budge. The man is perturbed and calls the flight attendant…

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A Letter of Apology

When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a “dirty son of a bitch” to my face, I knew I must have done something wrong at the office New Year’s Party. The Office Manager called me from the hospital today, and as this is my last day on the job, I’d like to take this way of apologizing to all of you. I…

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Mouse Ball Replacement Memo

I don’t know how they wrote this with a straight face. This apparently was a real memo sent at a computer company to its employees in all seriousness… This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor. Subject: “Mouse Balls” Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to…

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McDonald’s Fast Food Job Application:

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I’m worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON…

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Blonde fools lawyer?

A lawyer and a stunning blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains, “I ask…

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Reluctant Juror

According to tradition, the guilty cannot be hidden. Think of the fellow who wanted to be dismissed from jury duty. He tried every excuse to no avail. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. “Your Honor,” he said, ” I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man over there with those beady eyes and that twisted smile and I said…

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Recruiting Then And Now

Ernest Shackleton’s recruiting advertisement for 1912 Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition: “Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in case of success.” If Shackleton were advertising in the 1990’s: “Members wanted for adventure trek. Low cost, cool sights, fun nights, thrills galore, insurance available. Get your picture in Outside magazine.”

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Old man and a punker

An old man was riding a bus when it pulled to stop for new riders. A punker got on with spiked, yellow-blue and green hair, earrings in the eyes, ears and nose, and tattoos all over his body. The only seat available was right across from the old man. The old man was staring at the punker and after a few minutes the punker hollered, ?Hey you old fart, what are you staring at?? He replied, ? I was in…

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