A highly sophisticated couple and a country couple were walking down a street when the country guy farted. The sophisticated man looked at him with a go to hell look and said, “How dare you fart before my wife!”

The country boy replied, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t know she wanted to fart first!”

Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog’s name was Mypenis?

- Mypenis ate my homework. Oh, no! Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!

- Sorry I’m late. I was playing with Mypenis.

- I’m sorry, Officer. I didn’t realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash.

-Mypenis doesn’t come when I call it.

-Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.

- I love giving Mypenis a bath.

- At night, I sleep with Mypenis in my hands.

- Mypenis likes it when people pet him.

- Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds!

- Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.

- Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?

- Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already jumpy.

- I think Mypenis has a mind of its own.

- I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.

- Whenever I get lost, Mypenis points me in the right direction.

- I think Mypenis is getting old because he won’t get excited anymore. He just plays dead.

- Mypenis got out last night. I think he’s sleeping with the lady next door.

- If Mypenis was a weinerdog, he would be long and hairy and hard to carry.

- Mypenis loves to chase pussies in dark alleys.

- Help! I can’t find Mypenis!

- Sorry to be driving so slow, officer, but I was looking for Mypenis.

- Mypenis gets excited whenever the mailman comes.

- Sorry to be driving so fast, officer - I have to take Mypenis to the hospital.

- Oh. no! Something bit Mypenis!

1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.

2. No I don’t want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.

3. Her tits are just too big.

4. Sometimes I just want to be held.

5. That chick on “20/20″ gives me a woody.

6. Sure! I’d LOVE to wear a condom.

7. We haven’t been to the mall for ages, let’s go shopping and I can hold your purse.

8. Screw Monday Night Football; let’s watch “Ally McBeal”.

9. It’s late. Put your clothes back on and I’ll take you home.

10. Honey, I’m going to the store, do you need more tampons???

11. I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss.

12. I’m sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.

13. Great! Your mother’s coming to stay with us again!

14. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she’s getting ready for bed?. Maybe I should tell her.

15. No way! You weeded the garden last week. It’s MY turn!

16. Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines. I don’t look at them any more.

17. I understand.

18. This movie has way too much nudity.

19. Damn, we’re late for church!

20. No! I don’t want to see your sister’s tits.

21. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.

22. Put some panties on for Christ’s sake.

23. Eat something!! You are starting to look like a Victoria’s Secret model!!

24. Don’t pick that up; I got it.

25. Happy Anniversary!!!

26. Hey, isn’t today your mother’s birthday??

27. Let’s talk, I miss talking.

28. Gay men have rights, too!

29. I am just too tired to have sex again today!

30. Are you losing weight sweetie??

A Chinese man asked his three daughters what their ideal man should be.

The first daughter said, “I want a man with three dragons on his chest.”

The second daughter said, “I want a man with two dragons on his arms.”

The third daughter said, “I want a man with one draggin’ on the ground.”

Sometimes, when I’m in class, I dream that I’m on a tropical island, with a dozen or more scantily clad females beside me, sitting under a huge palm tree, with some soft, gentle music being played on some traditional wood instruments of that region, and a cool, gentle breeze caressing my tanned body.

I do all this while trying to forget I’m in a classroom.

Of course, it would be so much easier if all my students weren’t waiting for me to continue my lecture.