Jokes News

A highly sophisticated couple and a country couple were walking down a street when the country guy farted. The sophisticated man looked at him with a go to hell look and said, “How dare you fart before my wife!”

The country boy replied, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t know she wanted to fart first!”

Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog’s name was Mypenis?

- Mypenis ate my homework. Oh, no! Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!

- Sorry I’m late. I was playing with Mypenis.

- I’m sorry, Officer. I didn’t realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash.

-Mypenis doesn’t come when I call it.

-Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.

- I love giving Mypenis a bath.

- At night, I sleep with Mypenis in my hands.

- Mypenis likes it when people pet him.

- Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds!

- Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.

- Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?

- Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already jumpy.

- I think Mypenis has a mind of its own.

- I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.

- Whenever I get lost, Mypenis points me in the right direction.

- I think Mypenis is getting old because he won’t get excited anymore. He just plays dead.

- Mypenis got out last night. I think he’s sleeping with the lady next door.

- If Mypenis was a weinerdog, he would be long and hairy and hard to carry.

- Mypenis loves to chase pussies in dark alleys.

- Help! I can’t find Mypenis!

- Sorry to be driving so slow, officer, but I was looking for Mypenis.

- Mypenis gets excited whenever the mailman comes.

- Sorry to be driving so fast, officer - I have to take Mypenis to the hospital.

- Oh. no! Something bit Mypenis!

1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.

2. No I don’t want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.

3. Her tits are just too big.

4. Sometimes I just want to be held.

5. That chick on “20/20″ gives me a woody.

6. Sure! I’d LOVE to wear a condom.

7. We haven’t been to the mall for ages, let’s go shopping and I can hold your purse.

8. Screw Monday Night Football; let’s watch “Ally McBeal”.

9. It’s late. Put your clothes back on and I’ll take you home.

10. Honey, I’m going to the store, do you need more tampons???

11. I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss.

12. I’m sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.

13. Great! Your mother’s coming to stay with us again!

14. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she’s getting ready for bed?. Maybe I should tell her.

15. No way! You weeded the garden last week. It’s MY turn!

16. Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines. I don’t look at them any more.

17. I understand.

18. This movie has way too much nudity.

19. Damn, we’re late for church!

20. No! I don’t want to see your sister’s tits.

21. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.

22. Put some panties on for Christ’s sake.

23. Eat something!! You are starting to look like a Victoria’s Secret model!!

24. Don’t pick that up; I got it.

25. Happy Anniversary!!!

26. Hey, isn’t today your mother’s birthday??

27. Let’s talk, I miss talking.

28. Gay men have rights, too!

29. I am just too tired to have sex again today!

30. Are you losing weight sweetie??

A Chinese man asked his three daughters what their ideal man should be.

The first daughter said, “I want a man with three dragons on his chest.”

The second daughter said, “I want a man with two dragons on his arms.”

The third daughter said, “I want a man with one draggin’ on the ground.”

Sometimes, when I’m in class, I dream that I’m on a tropical island, with a dozen or more scantily clad females beside me, sitting under a huge palm tree, with some soft, gentle music being played on some traditional wood instruments of that region, and a cool, gentle breeze caressing my tanned body.

I do all this while trying to forget I’m in a classroom.

Of course, it would be so much easier if all my students weren’t waiting for me to continue my lecture.

.Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying:
-"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
-"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotio

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Ladin and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
“I will give each of you each one wish, that’s three wishes total,” says the Genie.
The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.”
With a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state.”
Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ there was a huge wall around
Afghanistan.
“Uncle Sam” (A former civil engineer), asks, “I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.”
The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country;
nothing can get in or out—virtually impenetrable.”
“Uncle Sam” says, “Fill it with water.”

Conversation between a boy and girl……

Girl : If there were no women in the world, who would be there to stitch your pant buttons?

Boy : If there were no women in the world, why should we wear pants?

THis isnt a joke, If the oakland raiders played the ohio state football team, in football, who would win, what would the score be, Obviously i said Oakland by 50. But i need more opinions. PLease answer

_{-- Delivered by state football team, ohio state football, oakland raiders, buddies, joke}

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