Z line Jokes - page 37

Politics

Startling Statistics

The following company has a little over 500 employees with these statistics: *29 have been accused of spousal abuse *7 have been arrested for fraud *19 have been accused of writing bad checks *117 have bankrupted at least two businesses *3 have been arrested for assault *71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit *14 have been arrested on drug-related charges *8 have been arrested for shoplifting *21 are current defendants in lawsuits In 1998 alone, 84 were…

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Funny Stories

Star Wars is better than Titanic

Titanic’s big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive. Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can’t say “Look at the size of that thing!” and really mean it. It would be much scarier to get…

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Funny Stories

New Broom

A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her basket was filled with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious that she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line. When the cashier called for yet another price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked, indignantly, “Well, at this rate, I’ll be lucky to get out of here and…

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Office

You know you work in 1990s Corporate America when….

You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say “Oh wow, thanks!” Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube. Your boss’ favorite lines are “when you get a few minutes”, “in your spare time”, “when you’re freed up”, and “I have an opportunity for you.” Vacation is something you roll over to next year or a check you get every January. Your relatives and family describe your job as “works with computers”. Change is the norm. Nepotism is…

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Funny Stories

You KNOW you’re in trouble when…..

You Know You’re In Trouble When … … Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich. … Your suggestion box starts ticking. … Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3. … You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you’ve ever had. … The simple instructions enclosed aren’t. … People send your wife sympathy cards on…

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Funny Stories

15 inches

These three guys go camping: Joe, Frank and Bob (insert your friends names instead). They get camp all set up and these bandits come along and start tearing up their campsite and take all their money. The bandits tie up the three guys and are going to kill them. Joe speaks up and says, “Is there any way you’ll let us live?” One of the bandits says, “Well let’s see here …if all your penises together in a line equal…

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True Stories, Yo Mama

Newspaper Clip

(This is a true story from the newspaper The Cape Times, South Africa) “For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a patient dead in the same bed every Friday morning,” a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters. “There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on the air condidtioning system, and search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues. However, further inquiries have now revealed…

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Ethnic Cultural

World War 3 and Mexico

Two lone soldiers are guarding the trenchline from enemy planes in World War Three. After many minutes of waiting, one plane is seen flying above. “What kind of plane is that, Sergeant?” asked the private. “That’s a German plane. Shoot it down!” and both of them fired at it until it went down. A few minutes later, another plane was seen flying by. The private asked what kind of plane that was. “That’s an American plane. Shoot it down!” and…

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Religious

Donations

A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center. Man: “What are you doing here today?” Woman: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.” Man: Hmmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25. The woman looked thoughtful for a moment, and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in…

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Blonde

blonde

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!” she cries. The 911 dispatcher says, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes.” Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher’s telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde…

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