Write in c Jokes - page 6

Small-town Newspaper

A young reporter for a small-town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment one day. He submitted the following report to his editor: “Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts.” The editor scolded the new reporter, saying, “This is a family paper. We don’t use words like ‘breasts’ around here. Now go back and write something more appropriate.” The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally,…

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The Mink Coat

A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm. “Show the lady your finest mink!” the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, “Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000.” “No problem! I’ll write you a check!” “Very good, sir.” says…

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7 blonde jokes!!!

1) Two blondes were driving to Disneyland, when they saw a sign that read, “Disneyland Left” so they turned around and went home. 2) How do you measure a blonde’s IQ? With a tire gauge! 3) Why did the blonde climb the glass wall? To see what was on the other side!! 4)A smart blonde, a dumb blonde, Santa Claus and the Easter bunny were walking along when the saw a $100. Who got the money? The dumb blonde because…

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Do’s and Don’t Do’s For Making Friends.

Matt And Lennie’s Do’s and Don’t Do’s… For making friends: DO – Show off your talents. DON’T – Shove a harmonica up your butt and play the national anthem. DO – Tell them about your interest in arts and film. DON’T – Tell them about your vast child porn collection. DO – Share your ideas. DON’T – Share your plan to pull down their pants in public and set their face on fire. DO – Help them with their problems.…

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The Familial Decision

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! “Helen, why didn’t you write when you learned you were pregnant?” he cried. “I would have rushed up here, we could have…

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College Athlete Exam

COLLEGE ENTRANCE EXAM FOR STUDENT ATHLETES Time Limit: 3 WEEKS 1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to ____ (a) build a bridge ____ (b) sail the ocean ____ (c) lead an army or ____ (d) WRITE A PLAY 4. What religion is the Pope? (check only…

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Bill Clinton’s Retirement Plans

Spend more quality time with Chelsea and her 13 half brothers and sisters. Tour the nations’ prisons to improve conditions. Visit friends while there. Write book: “The American Presidency: An Oral History.” Search for a new outlet for well-developed lying and cheating skills. Catch up on eight-year stack of “Penthouse.” Continue work counseling interns. Get to know those Bush girls better.

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Praying for DOLLAR$

A little boy wanted $100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to “GOD USA,” they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused, he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.…

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Grandpa Forgot

My Grandpa and Grandma were sitting on their porch swing enjoying the nice evening breeze, when Grandpa lovingly leaned over and said, “Hey Ma, I’m gonna have some ice cream, would you like some?” “Yeah, Pa, but you’d better write it down or you’ll forget”, says Grandma. Grandpa replies, “I won’t forget.” “Alright then”, says Grandma, “I’d like nuts and whipped cream and a cherry on mine. You’d better write that down, Pa you’re gonna forget it.” Disgruntled, Grandpa storms…

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Asshole Stretcher

A man was driving across the Golden Gate Bridge when he was pulled over by an officer. The office comes up to the man’s window and says, “Excuse me, sir, but do you know how fast you were going?” The man replies, “Obviously over 55.” The officer was checking out the man and his car when he says, “What the hell is a bum looking guy like you doing driving a fancy, expensive car like this? What do you do…

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