Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A woman walks into a bar and orders drinks for the house. The bartender sets them up then says, “That’ll be $105.50.” The woman says, “I don’t have any money.” The bartender says, “Then how do you expect to pay for all these drinks?” She lifts up her skirt past her crotch. She’s got no panties on. The bartender says, “Don’t you have anything smaller?”
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A man will pay $2 for a $1 item that he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future … until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. To be happy with a man,…
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This woman went to the gynecologist, and when asked what was the problem she responded, “Well, whenever I take off my clothes my nipples get hard.” Shocked, the doctor took a deep breath then asked, “Your nipples get hard?” “Yes,” quite innocently came her reply. “Undress so I can check,” replied the still amazed doc. So she undressed, and he got down to the feeling and massaging, trying to reach an answer. After some considerable time the doctor, still looked…
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For those who have never traveled to the great West, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed on the ground at fence openings on highways to prevent cattle from crossing. For some reason the bovines will not step on the guards, probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails. I need to make that clear in order for everyone to appreciate the following TRUE story. President Clinton received a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards…
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A man always sees a beautiful woman in a bar every night but he’s just too shy to talk to her. After 2 weeks he finally works up enough courage to make his move. “No, thank you,” she says politely, “This is going to sound rather old-fashioned, but I’m keeping myself pure until I find the right guy.” “That must be hard,” said the man. “Oh I don’t mind,” said the woman, “but my husband doesn’t like it much.”
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DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of time, money, and effort to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like at present and will learn to lake a lot less in the future. EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man. EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women…
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MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET WOMAN: A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: WO (Varies HO depending on which periodic table is used) DISCOVERER: Adam ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6kg but known to vary from 40-200kg. OCCURRENCES: Migrates in clusters. Copious quantities in all urban areas. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Surface usually covered in painted film. 2. Boils at nothing, freezes without known reason. 3. Melts if given special treatment. 4. Bitter if incorrectly used. 5. Found in various states from virgin metal…
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A woman gets home, runs into her house, slams the door and shouts, “Honey, pack your bags. I just won the lottery!” The husband says, “Wow! That’s great! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?” She says, “I don’t care. Just get the hell out.”
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A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and is very satisfied with the results. One day he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?” “About 35,” he replies. “I’m actually 47!” the man says, feeling happy. After that he goes into McDonald’s for lunch, and asks the server the…
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A man is out in the wilderness and he’s hopelessly lost. It’s been nearly three weeks since he’s eaten anything besides what he could forage and he’s been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can’t see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home. He knocks…
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