Wit Jokes - page 255

10 Ways To Know Your Employees Wants You Dead!

10. When you find a voodoo doll hanging in the breakroom that looks exactly like you. 9. When you fire an employee and he/she smiles and says “I’ll be back in a minute.” 8. If you find a “get-a-free-hair-cut-while-you-shower” coupon on your dest. 7. When you find framed pictures on the memo board of deranged postal workers. 6. When everyone swears it was a mistake in holding your birthday party at a demolition site. 5. When your employees buys a…

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Read Joke10 Ways To Know Your Employees Wants You Dead!

Little Johnny Knows The Awful Truth

In school, Little Johnny was told by his classmate that every adult had a dark deep secret and it was easy to blackmail them by just saying, “I know the whole truth.” So, when Little Johnny got home after school, he went straight to his mother and told her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother turned pale and gave Little Johnny $20.00 telling him not to tell his father. Pleased with his new caper, Little Johnny waited for his…

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Falling asleep at work

Things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk: “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.” “This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper” “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!” “This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!” “Wasn’t sleeping.…

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Read JokeFalling asleep at work

How to respond to e-mail ads….

You know those “special offers” that “you would be CRAZY to turn down”? Here’s how you might wish to respond to them: —————————————- To Whom It May Concern: Thank you for your recent e-mail to me. It was good hearing from you and reading your advertisement As information, I am a reasonably healthy male, over 40 years of age. If you sent me the ad/offer regarding how I may “enlarge my breasts,” I think I’ll pass, if you don’t mind.…

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Pee-Wee’s Day in Court

Pee-Wee walked into court alone and walked up to the Defendant’s table. When the Judge came out, he looked around and said “Mr. Herman, are you here by yourself? With all your money, I would think that you have a string of lawyers”. Pee-Wee responded “Lawyer, I don’t need a lawyer – I can get myself off”…

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Religion and Sports

Three men were coming out of an interfaith meeting at their local convention center. One of the men was a Jew, one was a Catholic, and one was a Mormon. They began talking about their respective families and the Jewish man said with smug pride, “I have four sons, one more and I can form my own basketball team.” The Catholic man, not to be outdone, boasted, “Well, my wife and I have been blessed with ten sons. One more…

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Read JokeReligion and Sports

The REAL Creation Story

Moses’ account of creation in the book of Genesis is so familiar and so entrenched in our cultural heritage, that many accept as actual historical fact, the assertion that Woman was created from one of Adam’s ribs. Science has railed against such simple beliefs for centuries. Last week at a dig in the escarpments along the western shore of the Dead Sea, archeologists uncovered ancient, original texts that predate Moses’ writings by 1,300 years. Translated, their account of life’s beginnings…

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Papal Advice

A deeply religous and wealthy man visited the Vatican and was standing by the road when the Pope came by in the Popemobile. The Pope looks over to him, stops the car, gets out and walks directly towards him, filling the man with joyousness. However, as he reached him, the Pope steps to one side and whispers in the ear of a tramp sitting behind the man. Seeing this, the wealthy man is a bit miffed but an idea forms…

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Little Old Lady goes Shopping

A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the checkout counter, where she told the checkout girl, “Nothing but the best for my little kitten.” The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you…

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Smart dog & the butcher

A butcher in his shop, and he’s real busy, and he notices a dog in the shop. He shoos him away. But later, he notices the dog is back again. So he goes over to the dog, and notices he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note and it reads, “I need 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth, as well.” The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold,…

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Read JokeSmart dog & the butcher