Wit Jokes - page 249

The curator of one zoo was shipping several animals to another zoo, and wrote an accompanying letter which said in part, “Included are the two mongeese you asked for.” The curator paused. “Mongeese” looked funny. He tore up the letter and tried again, saying, “Included are the two mongooses you asked for.” That looked funny, too. After long thought, the curator began a third time and now completed it without trouble. He wrote in part, “Included is the mongoose you…

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One day, a kid and his mom went to the local supermarket for some shopping. The mother got carried away with her shopping, and the kid got lost. The six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, “Marian, Marian!” Finally, reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, “You shouldn’t call me, ‘Marian.’ I’m your mother, you know . . .” “I know, Mom,” said the child, “but the store is FULL of mothers!”

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A college professor always starts his class with a dirty joke. After one particularly vulgar story, all the women decide to leave the next time he starts telling a joke. The next day the Professor comes into the class and says, “Did you hear about the shortage of whores in India?” With that all the women got to their feet and headed toward the door. “Wait,” cried the Professsor, “the boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”

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Old cowboy Sam suddenly found all of his cows were very sick. An immediate call to the vet resulted in the recommendation for a cure involving the insertion of a rather large pill in the rear of each animal. After several rather difficult tries, another call to the vet resulted in the use of a blow pipe. With the pill in the blow pipe and a hard puff the pill was immediately lodged in the proper location. With the large…

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Jeffery was a maintenance man for a big-time broadway production company. He was the guy who went around sweeping the floors after hours. One day, though, Jeffery was approached by one of the big time directors, a man dressed all in black, with a megaphone hung limply in his left arm. “Jeffery,” he said, “I have some news for you. We’re putting on a gigantic production about the Civil War tomorrow. One of my men came down with the flu…

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A guy enters a bank to see about getting a business loan. “What kind of business do you want to start?” asks the bank manager. “I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on pussy and it makes it taste like a peach.” “I don’t think we can give you a loan,” was the reply, so the guy left. A few months later he went into the bank with a wheel barrel filled with money. The same bank manager came…

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