Wit Jokes - page 201

We’ll cross THAT bridge…

There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and “whip Clarence’s butt.” He left…

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Pack ‘O Dogs

A bunch of country dogs, out for the first time in the big city happen upon a long street lined with parking meters. At the sight of these unusual meters one country dog looks to another and says, “well wouldja lookit that, them thar are pay toilets.” not funny, but honest

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whats my son goin to be

A conserned farmer is wondering what his son is going to be when he grows up. So he takes his son to a psychic. The farmer askes the psychic, “Can you tell me what my son is going to be when he grows up?” The psychic says, “Yeah sure.” So the psychic puts the boy in an empty room with a table and chair. He places an apple, bible and a 50 cent peice on the table. The psychic leaves…

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Traveling Woodpeckers

An Alaskan woodpecker and a Texas woodpecker were in Alaska arguing about which state had the toughest trees to peck. The Alaskan woodpecker said that they had a tree there that no woodpecker can peck. The Texas woodpecker challenged him and was able to peck a hole in the tree with no problem. The Alaskan woodpecker was in awe! The Texas woodpeck then challenged the Alaskan woodpecker to come to Texas and try to peck this certain tree there that…

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40th Birthday

An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes! The guest, asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes…

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Dwarf???

The class was playing a spelling game when the teacher asked for a word beginning with ‘A’. Johnny shot his arm into the air and blurted out ‘Asshole’. The teacher warned Johnny not to use such language again. She then asked for a word starting with ‘B’. Again Johnny shocked the class as he exclaimed ‘Bastard, miss.’ The teacher suitably repremanded Johnny and continued on. She decided to skip ‘C’ as she could imagine what Johnny would say. ‘D’ was…

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Dear Hubby

The husband was furious when he found out the checking account was empty. When he confronted his wife, she simply said, “It’s my turn.” “What do you mean, your turn?” yelled the husband. “In bed,” she explained, “you’ve been making early withdrawals for years. Now, it’s my turn.”

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