Wit Jokes - page 175

Definitions for the nineties

Keep This near your desk at work so you can translate what is REALLY being said to you. 1) Politically Correct- saying something, without actually saying it so that anyone that hears you isn’t sure what was said nor can they repeat to anyone else to incriminate you. 2) Abrasive- the opposite of being p.c. (politically correct). 3) Heads up- I heard the rumor before you. 4) Challenged – Fucked. (example, “I want to Challenge you….) 5) Mentally Challenged- mentally…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeDefinitions for the nineties

Courage

An American General, a Russian General and a British General are standing on the deck of a ship watching war exercises. The topic of discussion turns to human courage, and the Russian General boasts, “Russians are the most courageous people on Earth!”. Upon which the American (naturally) challenges him: “Oh yeah?”. The Russian says, “Sure! Here, Yuri! Jump off the deck and swim around the ship!” Yuri marches off into the freezing Atlantic without a word and does as he…

(3)Loading...

Read JokeCourage

Dr. Sorry

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she says, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.” “That is correct,” Say the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeDr. Sorry

Sayings that should be on BUTTONS

01. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 02. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. 03. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? 04. A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth. 05. Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after. 06. Do I look like a fricking people person? 07. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting. 08. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 09.…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeSayings that should be on BUTTONS

Veteran’s Day

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the Italian front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and had made it to Southampton, England, there to board a train bound for a few days in London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only seat unoccupied was directly across from a well dressed middle aged lady…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeVeteran’s Day

Eyelids

In the newspaper the other day there was a story of a newborn that was born without any eyelids. The doctor told the young couplethat there was nothing to worry about, since it was early enough, that when their son was circumsized, the foreskin could be grafted on as eyelids. I don’t know about you, but I feel sorry for that young kid. He’s gonna grow up COCKEYED!

(1)Loading...

Read JokeEyelids

Dead Funny

A man knocked on his neighbour’s door to be met by his neighbour’s wife who was sobbing, tears streaming down her face. “Is Bill at home?” our friend asked. “I’ve just found him in the garden with an axe in his head,screaming and shouting, blood spurting everywhere and watched him die a horrible death in front of my very eyes,” his wife wailed. “Oh dear,” responded our friend, “did he say anything about that chainsaw he promised to lend me?”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeDead Funny

Outrunning a Ghost

There was this party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old man’s face appeared outside the passenger…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeOutrunning a Ghost

Amazing Crippled Man

One Sunday,the alterboy of the local church had waited intently for the priest to come. As he arrived, the alterboy exclaimed, “Father the most incredible thing just happened!” “And what might have happened, Jimmy?” “This guy with crutches just walked into church, put holy water on one of his legs then through the crutch away! Then he took holy water put it on his other leg then threw his other crutch away!” “OHHHHHH MY GOD, THIS IS A MIRACLE, WHERE…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeAmazing Crippled Man