Wit Jokes - page 159

Bill’s Confession to Chaplain, Air Force One

The Chaplain on Air Force One tells the President, “Sir, the Captain has just told me he’s losing control of the plane. We’ll probably crash. Is there anything you want to share with the Lord?” “Well,” Bill says, hesitantly, “I was intimate with your wife in the Oval Ofice when you were out of town.” “Sir, respectfully,” the Chaplain replied, “everybody already knows that part of your character. Is there a REAL SIN you want to share before we crash?”…

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Wrong Joke

The traveling salesman’s car broke down in the country and he knocked on the farmhouse door. When the farmer opened the door, the salesman said, “Sir, my car has broken down, and I was wondering if you might be able to put me up for the night?” The farmer said, “Why, sure, but you will have to sleep with my son.” The salesman hesitated then said, “Excuse me, sir, but I think I’m in the wrong joke.”

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You know you’re from Canada when …

Canadian Funnies You know you’re from Canada when … 1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. 2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 3. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas. 4. You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard. 5. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. 6. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with…

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Doctor Guilt

One afternoon a doctor had an affair with one of his patients. After sending his patient home, the doctor had a little voice inside of him that kept saying, “I can’t believe you just had an affair with one of your patients. That is so wrong, and it goes against everything you stand for.” Then this other voice inside him kept saying, “Don’t worry, you’re not the first doctor to ever have an affair with a patient, and you certainly…

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Final Words

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal…

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As Big As Texas

A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new “city” outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, answered, “Yes ma’am, ya see, I’m from Texas and I want to buy a complete outfit.” Well, her eyes lit up as she asked, “Where would you like to start?” “Well ma’am. How about a suit?” “Yes sir, what size?” “Size 53 … tall, ma’am.” “Wow, that’s really…

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Moose Hunting

Moose Hunting Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long,…

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a red head a blonde and a brunette

There once was a blonde, brunette and a red head. They were all stranded on a deserted island. One day they were all walking along the beach when they came across a lamp. They decided to rub it hoping a genie would appear and grant them three wishes. So they rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared saying to them, “I shall grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, you can all have one wish each.”…

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Read Jokea red head a blonde and a brunette