Wife husband Jokes - page 11

Homemaker Mistake

A man returns home from work early and enters the house through the kitchen door. He sees his wife on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor. She only has an apron on so the husband gets a big hard on, drops his pants and starts humping his wife doggy style. When he is finished, he pulls out and at the same time hits her hard up the side of her head. “What was that for?” the wife screamed “Here…

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Baby Pictures

Baby Photographer The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon.” Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come to….” “Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting…

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Dining Out

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she’ll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, “Who was that??!!” “Oh,” replies the husband, “that was my mistress.” The wife says, “That’s it; I want a divorce.” “I understand,” replies her husband, “but, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be…

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Baby, I’m Sooooooo Hot

Wife: Oh, Baby, I’m soooooooo hot. Husband: Go to sleep, Honey, I have to get up early. Wife: It won’t take long. Husband: It’ll wake me up. I won’t be able to sleep afterwards. Wife: I won’t sleep without it. Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night? Wife: Because I’m hot, Sweetie. Husband: Geez, you get hot at the darndest times. Wife: If you loved me, I wouldn’t have to beg. Husband:…

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Leftovers & Hand-Me-Downs

A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: “Before you leave, I want you to hear how all this came about. “Driving home along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast…

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Thinking Of Getting Married

“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.” “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!” “I know all that.” “Then why did you invite a friend for supper?” “Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”

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Relatives

A husband said to his wife, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like YOUR mother-in-law better than I like mine!”

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Long Lecture

As they left the auditorium after a two-hour lecture on nineteenth-century English poets, the wife exclaimed, “Didn’t it make your mind soar?” “Yes,” her husband agreed grimly, “and my backside, too!”

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Wishes Granted

A couple had been married for 35 years, and the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish. The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and BOOM! The wife had the tickets in her hand. Then it was the husband’s turn. He paused…

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Old Couple

It was this old couple’s aniversary. The old man was in bed reading the newspaper when his wife said, “How do you like my suit?” Her husband replies, “What suit?” She says, “My EVE suit!” He looks at her and says, “I think you forgot to iron it, it’s wrinkled.”

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