What do you want for christmas Jokes - page 3

Good Train Manners

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop. And all of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving”. The mother…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeGood Train Manners

Reasons for allowing drinking at work

1. It’s an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communication. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don’t care.…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeReasons for allowing drinking at work

algebra lesson

The son of a Kentucky moonshiner wanted to go to college, but his father said, “No one in our family got past eighth grade, and we made out ok.” He finally agreed to send his son to college but gave him a warning to do well and learn as much as he could. When the son came home on Christmas vacation his father asked him what he learned. The son said had been taking remedial algebra. His father said, “Say…

(0)
Loading...

Read Jokealgebra lesson

The puppy and the little red wagon

It was the first day after Christmas vacation and the teacher was asking the kids, “What did you get for Christmas?” The first kid she asked said “I got a doll and a tape player.” The teacher asked the next boy what he got for Christmas. He answered, “A soccer ball and a t-shirt” The next boy answered, “A puppy and a little red wagon.” The teacher wanted to go to the next kid but the boy started telling a…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe puppy and the little red wagon

Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeWhole Lotta Yo Mama

Hard as Nails

Grandpa hears some banging noises on the side of the house. He looks out the window and sees his grandson with a hammer, driving some weird-colored nails into the side of the house. “Junior,what are you doing with those nails?” Junior looks up at Grandpa, and replies.”These aren’t nails, Granpa, they’re worms!” Sure enough, on closer look they are! “Where did you get those from, boy? Worms are supposed to be soft and squishy, NOT hard and firm like that!”…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeHard as Nails

Getting Divorced for the Kids’ Sake

Morris calls his son in New York and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.” “But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeGetting Divorced for the Kids’ Sake

The Classifieds

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) Illiterate? Write today for free help. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Classifieds

The Angel

It was supposed to be a happy time, but it wasn’t. Santa was really angry. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the Christmas cookies. The Elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had put in while making toys, and the reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. They had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it into a…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeThe Angel

Little Old Lady goes Shopping

A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the checkout counter, where she told the checkout girl, “Nothing but the best for my little kitten.” The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeLittle Old Lady goes Shopping