What do you do for a living Jokes - page 6

Jack Schitt

Who is Jack Schitt? Who is Jack Schitt? The Lineage Revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, “You don’t know Jack Schitt”. Now, You can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt…

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Shovel Throwing

One day at the carp fair there was a shovel throwing competition. The first contestant gets up and throws the shovel 100 yards. The shovel throwing judge says,” Wow what a toss, that was better than anyone at the last fair, do you mind if I ask what you do for a living?” The guy says,” My grandfather was a farmer, my daddy’s a farmer and I’m a farmer; we shovel shit all day long, I guess I just got…

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Actual quotes from the witness stand:

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: How old is your son-the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He…

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Application for Arkansas Drivers License

APPLICATION FOR ARKANSAS DRIVERS LICENSE Last name: __________________________ First name: (Check appropriate box) [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Age: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Unemployed [_] Dirty Politician Spouse’s Name: __________________________ 2nd Spouse’s Name: _______________________ 3rd Spouse’s…

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Love Letter Code

This is a love letter from a boy to a girl…. However, the girl’s father does not like him and wants them stop the relationship…… Afraid that her father would intercept any messages, the boy wrote this letter to the little girl. 1 “The great love that I have for you 2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you 3 grows every day. When I see you, 4 I do not even like your face; 5 the one…

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ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION

Plez compleet the follwin best ya can: Name: (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-George (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson Last Name: (If unsure of spelling, write it out the way it sounds) (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Un-employed Spouse’s Name: __________________________ Second Spouse’s Name: __________________________ Mistress’s Name: __________________________ Second Mistress’s Name: __________________________ Number of times you have…

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Blonde Ambition

Sick and tired of hearing all those nasty blonde jokes and of how all blondes are perceived to be dumb, this blonde is determined to show her husband that blondes are really smart. While her husband is off to work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 pm…

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Baby Pictures

Baby Photographer The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon.” Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come to….” “Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting…

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Top 15 Vampire Complaints

15. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead. 14. Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap. 13. Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs. 12. Three Words: Daylight Savings Time 11. Can’t enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, “Look Ma! It’s Elvis!” 10. After 45 years of Communist rule, it’s impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin. 9. After 100 years of trying,…

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Too Many Ants

There are many more ants than humans in the world, and they belong to numerous different species. Some of the more common are: 1. The ants you find in your kitchen the morning after you leave something sweet or greasy on the counter. These are called Brown Ants or Sugar Ants. 2. Big red and black ants found outdoors in the Southwest. These are very aggressive ants, with large pincers. They are called Fire Ants. 3. In South America you…

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