Water hole Jokes - page 3

Golf Threesome

Moses and Jesus are part of a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulls up to the tee and drives a long one. The ball lands on the fairway, but rolls directly toward a water trap. Quickly, Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls to the other side, safe and sound. Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It lands right in the center…

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Harvesting a Profit

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road, and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The…

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Quadraplegic

(Please don’t take offense to any of these, have fun and the best one is at the end) WHAT DO YOU CALL A QUADRAPLEGIC … Swimming… Bob Holding on to someones neck… Ty Lying on your porch… Matt In a hole… Phil Lying on the bathroom floor with his mouth open… John Floating in your toilet… Apu Hanging from a tree branch… Leif Under a car… Jack On the end of a shovel… Doug Lying in your yard with a…

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Gay Head

For those of you who don’t know, Gay Head is the name of a small town on Martha’s Vineyard, now renamed to Aquinna (I can’t imagine why they renamed it). It is known for its fabulous beach and stunning red cliffs overlooking the beach. On my recent vacation, I decided to go there for the day. Feeling a little brave, I decided to head for the Northwest end of the beach. This is where bathing suits are optional. As I…

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Chili Contest

Just recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my community to be a judge at a chili cookoff because no one else wanted to do it. Also, the original person called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy,…

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Don’t get stuck!

A guy was driving his car down an old country road, when he ran right into a big mud hole and got his car stuck. Just so happens a farmer comes along on his tractor and says,” Hey stranger, I’ll pull you out for $20.00.” Well the guy had no choice, so he motioned to the farmer to go ahead. After the farmer had pulled the car out and had it on dry ground again, the guy says, “For as…

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Shower Power

How To Shower Like A Woman: 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so you can complain and whine even more about how you’re getting fat. 4. Get in the shower.…

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The Chili Contest

Just recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my community to be a judge at a chili cookoff because no one else wanted to do it. Also, the original person called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy,…

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A Scene from Baywatch

An old guy comes home in the middle of the day and finds his young blonde wife standing in the middle of their deluxe apartment wearing a red G-string and 7 inch steel heels, and the whole apartment is flooded. “What happened here?” he asks. “I think the waterbed’s busted,” says the trembling wife. Just then a naked guy floats by. “Who’s that?” demands the husband. “I dunno. Must be a lifeguard.”

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Read JokeA Scene from Baywatch