Wall to wall Jokes - page 9

Mom and Siblings

I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: “When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance.”

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The Confessional

A drunk staggers into a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box. He remains quiet for several minutes, so the bewildered priest coughs to get his attention. Still, the man says nothing. Finally, the priest knocks on the wall three times to get the man to speak. “No use knockin’, fella,” says the drunk. “There’s no paper in this one either.”

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Hell’s not so bad

A young man died somewhat before his time in a motor accident, and found himself in Hell. He sat in a hot ante-room surrounded by swirling sulphurous gases as he gloomily awaited his fate. He’d heard all the jokes. “OK lads, tea break’s over, back on your heads.” Being forced to listen to a continuous Barry Manilow tape. The electrodes on the goolies. It made him shiver. Finally Satan arrived, detected the young chap’s demeanour and said, “Hey, why so…

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Canadian, Osama bin Ladin and Uncle Sam

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Ladin and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give each of you each one wish, that’s three wishes total,” says the Genie. The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.” With a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’…

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7 blonde jokes!!!

1) Two blondes were driving to Disneyland, when they saw a sign that read, “Disneyland Left” so they turned around and went home. 2) How do you measure a blonde’s IQ? With a tire gauge! 3) Why did the blonde climb the glass wall? To see what was on the other side!! 4)A smart blonde, a dumb blonde, Santa Claus and the Easter bunny were walking along when the saw a $100. Who got the money? The dumb blonde because…

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A Modern Fable

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day, when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As he looked around wondering what to do, he…

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Blonde Jokes… A List

How do you confuse a blonde boy? You put him in a circular room and tell him to pee in the corner. Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm. Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies? Because the sign said, “Seventeen and under not admitted.” What do you call a blonde holding a dollar over her head All you can eat under a buck A dumb blonde and a smart blonde jump off of a roof.…

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If Granny visits…..

The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, “I’m so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.” The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that my dear?” she asked. The little boy replied, “I heard Daddy tell mommy that he would climb the fucking walls if you came to visit us again.”

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