DOG’S BIRTHDAY
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “It’s my birthday. How about a free drink?” “Sure,” says the barkeep, “the mens’ toilet’s on the right.”
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Wa wa Jokes - page 68
Elephant Balls
What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls????? You walk him and pitch to the Rhino…..
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Penny Deal
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. “Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.” “ONE PENNY!” exclaimed the guy. The barman replied, “Yes.” So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?” “Certainly sir,” replies the bartender, “but all that comes to real money.” “How much money?” inquires the guy. “4 cents,”…
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High Tech Hearing
For those of us with hearing difficulties. A man was talking with his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it is state of the art!” “What kind is it?” “Twelve-thirty”
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ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…
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Why Clinton only has one child…
Q: Do you know why Chelsea Clinton is an only child??? A: Monica swallowed the others.
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Seat Belt
One day this man was driving and the police pulled him over. The police said, “Since you were wearing your seltbelt, you win $5000, what are you going to do with the money?” The man said, “I’m going to get me a driver’s license.” The lady next to him said, “Don’t listen to him officer, he always talks crazy when he’s drunk!” The loud talking woke the guy in the backseat up. When he saw the police he said, “I…
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Letter of Recommendation
Memo to: the Director Subject: Letter of Recommendation 1> Bob Smith, an assistant programmer, can always be found 2> hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without 3> wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4> thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5> finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended 6> measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping 7> coffee breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no 8> vanity…
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What not to say to a cop
Officer: May I see your license and registration please? Driver: Sure Officer: Could you tell me why you were driving 90 mph, ran 2 stop signs, and a traffic light? Driver: Well, it’s complicated. Officer: Go ahead. Driver: Okay, when my bag of crack spilled into my weed, I had to move my 3 empty 12-packs out of the way to clean it up and then my heroin spilled all over me. When I couldn’t find anything to wipe it…
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Everybody’s Free (To Embrace the Dark Side of the Force)
This appeared in a local Sunday magazine recently. For those unfamiliar with the Star Wars saga, James Earl Jones was the voice of that great villain Darth Vader. But those Star Wars fans will surely appreciate this fanciful article : Supposedly James Earl Jones is Vassar College’s Commencement speaker for this year. Oddly, this event coincides with the release of the much awaited “Phantom Menace” and the unexpected popularity of Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen Song” (which, if you haven’t had your…
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