Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Two vampire bats are hanging upside down in a cave. One bat feels rather hungry. “Let’s go and find some blood,” he suggests. “I don’t think you can get any blood at this time of day,” says the other bat. “Well, I want blood and I want it now!” he says and prepares to take off. “Are you coming with me or not?” “Don’t be stupid, you’ll just waste your time”, says the second bat. The first bat flies away.…
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A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: “An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.’” “See, I have a problem with that passion business,” responded the jury candidate. “During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my…
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The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret, and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional. She finally says, “Father, I never wear panties under my habit.” The priest chuckles and says, “That’s not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do six carthwheels on your way to the altar.”
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Three blondes go to a bar. There is one barstool left, and no tables. They all want to sit together, but again, there is only one barstool. Question: How can they all still sit together? Blonde Answer: Turn the barstool upside down, and sit on the stool legs.
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Your mama is so stupid, she called my house and asked me what my phone number was.
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Men think computers should be referred to as females, just like ships, because: 1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. 2. The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. The message “Bad command or file name” is about as informative as “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, I’m certainly not going to tell you.” 4. Your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. 5.…
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Two brooms were hanging in the closet, and after they got to know each other a bit, decided to get married. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely and attended by all the push brooms and dust mops. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and whispered to the groom broom, “We’re soon going to have a little…
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A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig von Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backwards! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.…
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Top 39 things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say ever, no matter how much they’ve had to drink, no matter how far from the South they’ve wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening… ****************************************************** 39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 38. Duct tape won’t fix that. 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. 36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken. 35. We don’t keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody…
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A butcher was about to close up shop one night when a dog walked in, carrying a paper bag in its mouth. The butcher tried to shoo the dog away, but it wouldn’t leave. Instead it set the bag down and barked at it. So the butcher looked inside of the bag, and found some money and a note. The note said: 1 lb Italian sausage 2 lbs Pork chops So the butcher filled the order, made change for the…
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