Wa wa Jokes - page 346

Biggest Stud on the Plane

There were these three guys on a plane going from Florida to New York. The first, wearing a suit and tie, and reading the NEW YORK TIMES, commented, “Last night I made love to my wife three times. This morning she made me fresh ground coffee, brought the paper to me in bed, and she said I was the best lover in the world.” “That ain’t nothing!” said the guy reading USA TODAY, dressed in chinos and a casual shirt.…

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Speeding Senior Citizen…..

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loves to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman is one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerate her, and some actually join in… one day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and a man stepped out with his arm stretched out… “Stop!” he said in…

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right in the groove

A hippy walks into a Bar and Grill. The waiter comes up to him and asks him if he wants anything. So the Hippy says, “Yeah, a cheeseburger. Not too well done, not too rare, but right in the groove.” So the waiter brings his burger and asks if he wants anything to drink. He says, “A cup of tea. Not too hot, not too cold, but right in the Groove.” The waiter is getting annoyed, but he brings the…

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Garden of Eden

After the fall in the Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, “What’s that?” Adam replied, “Boys, that’s where your mother ate us out of house and home.”

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Clinton Takes Flight

Bill Clinton, soon to be a “private” citizen again, wanting to get the feel of regular life again decided to take a comercial airline flight. After the pilot made his obligatory welcome and flight information announcement, he put the microphone down but didn’t realize he had left it locked in the “send” mode. He said to his co-pilot, “Boy, this has been one hell of a week. You know, I could really use a blow job and a cup of…

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Technical Support

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft?s electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter?s position and course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a hand-written sign, and held it in the helicopter?s window. The pilot?s sign said ?WHERE AM I?? in large letters. People in the tall building quickly…

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Fable

There once was a poor lad named Timmy who had the misfortune of being born with only a head — no arms, no legs, nothing but a head. Now Timmy was a basically happy person and he was loved and cared for by his family. As long as he stayed within the shelter of his family he was unworried by his condition, but as soon as he was thrust out into the world he knew that something was seriously wrong.…

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Pig to Sausage, and Vice Versa

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant, preppy son around his factory. Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory where the father thought, “Surely, THIS should impress him!” He showed his son the machine and said, “Son, this is the heart of the factory. Using this machine, we can put in a pig, and out comes sausages.”…

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Class Essay

The teacher in a fifth grade class said, “Class, I want you to imagine that you are the President of the United States and write an essay about what you will do for your country.” All of the students start writing, but the teacher sees little Johnny not writing at all. The teacher asks him, “Johnny, why aren’t you writing your essay?” Little Johnny replies, “I am waiting for my secretary.”

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Filling the Prescription

Over the dinner table, Mrs. Moskowitz said to her spouse, “You know how nervous and tense I’ve been lately, Jake? Well, I went to see the doctor.” “Yes,” murmured Moskowitz, never lifting his eyes from the soup he was eating. “And what did the doctor say, Becky?” “He examined me thoroughly, Jake, and said that physically, I was in fine shape. He said all I needed was some sex.” Moskowitz’a attention was now caught. “Is that so?” he said. “And…

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