Wa wa Jokes - page 241

The Sad Passing of a Legend

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others. The graveside was piled high in flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who ?never knew how much…

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Little Johnny’s new trick

Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. The father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself… television, ice cream, homework, video games… but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held. The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home. At this point,…

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A Shopping Expedition

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, “You foreigners Come in. Come into my humbleshop.” So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, “I have some special sandals 1 think you’d be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.”…

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The Five Crazy Brothers

There is one guy who needs to get to the airport within half an hour.It takes 45 minutes to get there, so he asks a cab driver ,”Can you get me to the airport within half an hour?” The cab driver says ,”With seven dollars i can.” The guy says “Ok.” So they go, on the way theres a red light ,when the driver sees it he slams the gas. The guy in the back asks the driver ,”What in…

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You Can Smell This One Coming

Father Brown was walking on the grounds of the convent when he noticed Sister Jane walking by. He thought, “Sister Jane seems to be heavier now.” So he called out to her, “Sister Jane, aren’t we gaining some weight?” “Oh, no, Father,” said Sister Jane. “Just a little gas. That’s all.” Two months later, Father Brown again noticed that Sister Jane seemed to be much larger than the last time he saw her. So he approached her and remarked, “Sister…

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What NOT to Say to a Police Officer

Since going beyond the speed limit is the national sport in many countries, there is universal disdain for those uniformed creatures who stop you while you are driving. Here are a few things best left unsaid. – Hey, you must’ve been doing’ about 125 to keep up with me! Good job! – Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. – I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.…

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Great to be a Guy

102 REASONS IT’S GREAT TO BE A GUY. 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about tanks. 4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. 5. Monday Nite Football. 6. You don’t have to monitor your friends sex lives. 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 8. You can open all your own jars. 9. Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained…

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BUG

Two potheads were driving down the road one day smoking a joint and driving in front of them was Lorena Bobbit. Lorena, having dick in hand, throws it out the window and it lands on the pothead’s windshield. One pothead looks at the other and says, “DUDE! Did you see the dick on that bug?”

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The Inscription on the Tombstone

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.” The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.” That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it,…

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