Doctors office
A man walks in the doctors with a carrot sticking out of his ear, spaggeti all over his hair, and corn flakes down his front. The doctor says you haven’t been eating properly have you?
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Wa wa Jokes - page 237
feet first
One day in Sunday school, the teacher asked if anybody knew how to get to Heaven? Dirty Johnny replied, “Feet first”. The teacher asked him how this could be and Dirty Johnny said, “Last week I walked by my parents’ room and my mom’s feet were spread up in the air and she was screaming, “OH GOD, OH GOD, I’M COMING, I’M COMING” and my daddy was on top of her holding her down saying, “NO PLEASE, NOT YET, NOT…
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Seems a Little Cloudy
Elderly Harry was in the hospital. Every time this young nurse came in, she talked to him like a little child. She would say, in a very patronizing tone of voice, “And how are we doing this morning??!!!” Well, this a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray and put it on his stand. He had been given a Urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple, and you know what Harry did with…
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Boys will be Boys
Two little boys were in the hospital. The first kid leaned over and asked, “What are you in here for?” The second kid said, “I’m here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid said, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of jell-o and ice cream. It’s a piece of cake!” The second kid…
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The Old Lady
The old lady called the police complaining of an indecent exposure! When the police arrived, she said: The man across the street is always walking around his house naked! Exposing his genitalia and everything! The Officer takes a look and says: Madam! All I can see of him is his neck and his head! He is not exposing himself! NO! Stand atop the fridge and you’ll see!
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10 Blondes and 1 Brunette
There were 11 people out on a hiking trip through the woods. Ten were blondes and one was a brunette. As they were crossing a rope bridge across a deep ravine, the rope bridge suddenly snapped leaving all 11 people hanging onto a rope for dear life. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette…
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You Don’t Scare Me!!!
Church was full one Sunday morning and the preacher was giving a powerful sermon about Heaven and Hell. All of a sudden, the front door opens and in walks Satan. All of the congregation runs out the front door screaming “It’s Satan, it’s Satan!” That is, all except one old man in the “amen” pew. Satan goes up to him and says, “Don’t you know who I am?” The old man says, “Yea, you’re Satan.” Satan says, “Aren’t you scared…
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Kindergarten Politics
A liberal kindergarten teacher taught a class of thirty. On election day, she asked the students to raise their hand if they were Democrats. 29 students raised their hands. She asked the kid with his hand down if he was a Republican. “Yes”, the boy replied. The teacher asked why and the boy said because his parents were. “Well if your parents are total morons, what does that make you?” “A Democrat.”
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Boll Weevils
There were two boll weevils from Kentucky. One moved away to Hollywood and became a big movie star with millions of dollars. He was known as the successful weevil. The other one stayed at home and worked on the farm. He made a decent living but wasn’t as successful as the other. Therefore he was known as the lesser of two weevils.
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So Much for Instructions
After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., this father finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard. The old-timer came over, threw away the directions, and in a short while, had the set completely assembled. “It’s beyond me,” said the father, “how you got it together without even reading the instructions.” “To tell you the truth,” replied the old-timer, “I can’t read, and when you…
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