Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A Texan had two warning signs posted at the entrance to his ranch. On the left sign, printed in English, were these words: “TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT AND KILLED BY THE OWNER OF THIS PROPERTY”. Printed in Spanish on the right-hand sign were these words: “FOR YOUR SAFETY, HEALTH AND WELL-BEING, LEARN TO READ THE SIGN TO YOUR LEFT”
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Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards. December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3 Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener. December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee…
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‘Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mella, Not a creature was stirrin’, Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla. When up on da roof I heard somethin’ pound, I sprung to da window, To scream, “YO! Keep it down!” When what to my Wanderin’ eyes should appear, But da Don of all elfs, And eight friggin’ reindeer! Wit’ slicked back black hair, And a silk red suit, don Christopher wuz here, And he brought da loot!…
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Two crusty old war veterans, sitting in front of the fireplace at the retirement home: “Dave, it seems so long since I last made love to a woman. How long has it been for you?” “Nineteen forty-five,” says Dave solemnly. “Hell, that’s a long time!” exclaims, Jim. “Not really,” says Dave, puzzled. “It’s only twenty-thirty now.”
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WIFE: Look at these old clothes I have to wear. If people came to visit, they would think I was the cook! HUSBAND: Well, they’d change their minds if they stayed for dinner.
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At the gates of Heaven, St. Peter is waiting for each soul that enters. It was a slow day, but finally, someone arrives at the gates. Peter looks the guy over and asks, “How long were you married and how many times did you cheat on her?” The guy looks proudly at Peter and says, “In all the 25 years I was married, I never once cheated on my wife.” Peter smiles and says, “Because of that, you get to…
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As they drove through the training area on their annual inspection, the proud Officer in Charge of the training base waved a hand toward the field and said to the General, “We are extremely proud of our camoflauge training, Sir. Our soldiers blend into the background, completely invisible to the enemy. As a matter of fact, there are over a hundred men hidden in this field and I’m sure even a veteran soldier like yourself cannot detect one . .…
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Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?” “The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine, and wouldn’t fly the plane, until the problem was corrected,” he explained. “And it took an hour to correct the problem?” the passenger asked. “No,” the flight attendant replied, “It took an hour…
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A cowboy and an Indian were out on the plains looking for buffalo. The Indian puts his ear to the ground and says, “Buffalo come.” The cowboy asks, “How do you know?” The Indian replies, “Face is sticky”
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The Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.” In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed…
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