Silent Alarms
When my economics professor had an alarm installed in his house, he insisted they leave him warning stickers for every window. Ever the thinker, he recouped half the cost of the alarm system by selling the stickers.
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Wa wa Jokes - page 151
robber and Jesus
One evening a guy broke into a house and began to burglarize it. He started to unhook the t.v when he heard “Jesus is watching you.” He looked around and no one was there. He started to unhook the stero and again heard “Jesus is watching you.” When he turned the corner he saw a parrot. He asked, “Are you the one saying Jesus is watching you?” The parrot answered “yes.” Then he asked the parrot what his name was,…
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The Black Eye
A guy boards his plane for Pittsburg and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him has a black eye. He says to him, “Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes. Do you mind if I ask you how you got yours?” The other guy replies, “Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the hugest breasts…
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paid to be good
A preacher was speaking to his congregation one Sunday. He was commenting that members of his congregation were patting him on the back and saying how good he was. He told them that he has to be good, he gets PAID for being good. Then he pointed to his audience and said, “But you all are good for nothing.”
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Have another beer
A Polack began hitting on a rather attractive broad in the local bar. After a few drinks, he asked her, “So, how would you like to come back to my place for a party?” “Well,” she said, “It’s only fair to tell you that I am a lesbian.” “Oh really!” he replied in his most charming tone. “How are things over there in Beirut, anyway?”
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Farmer Dan
Farmer Dan buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for bacon, ham, etc… After a few weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and he calls the vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn’t have the slightest clue as to what this means, but not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs became pregnant. The vet…
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Investors needed
The man was soliciting investors for a new type of tampon he was planning on marketing… He assured all prospective buyers that the investment was risk free… When asked how…the man replies there were “No Strings Attached…”
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You worry for me
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now, he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. “I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.” “Excuse me?” the accountant said. “I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry…
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The Duffer’s Solution
A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf & enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, “I’ve played so poorly all day, I think I’m going to go drown myself in that lake.” The caddy looks back at him and says, “I don’t…
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A Letter of Apology
When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a “dirty son of a bitch” to my face, I knew I must have done something wrong at the office New Year’s Party. The Office Manager called me from the hospital today, and as this is my last day on the job, I’d like to take this way of apologizing to all of you. I…
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