Wa wa Jokes - page 126

Clinton mounts operation in Serbia

Editor-looks like this one hasn’t reached you yet ___________________________ Clintons Operation Vowel Drop CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO SERBIA and BOSNIA Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Yugoslavia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless…

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Another Hungover Sunday at Church

Tom’s best friend wakes him up on sunday morning after a long night of partying and drags him to church. Despite Tom’s pleas for sleep his friend forces him to sit through the entire sermon. As the priest begins his sermon Tom drifts asleep. The priest asks the church, “Why are we gathered here this morning?” At that very moment Tom’s friend, noticing Tom is asleep, jabs a pencil into Tom’s leg. Tom jumps up and screams “FOR THE LOVE…

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Free Haircut

A priest went into a Washington, D.C. barbershop and got his hair cut. He then asked asked how much he owed the barber. “No charge, Father,” the barber said. “I consider it a service to the Lord.” when the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the priest. A few days later, a police officer came in. “How much do I owe…

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Lawyers

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!”, he whined. “You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!” retorted the officer. “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was…

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Is That Fiddle Loaded?

Jack Benny was invited to visit the White House. A guard stopped him and asked what he had in the violin case he was carrying. “A machine gun,” said Benny solemnly. With the same solemnity, the guard said, “Oh, okay, enter. I was afraid for a moment that it was your violin.”

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Football Math

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we really need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.” The player agreed, so the coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, “Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer…

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an early x-mas story

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and momma went…

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beam me down

Pierre and Thibadox were workin on the roof. It got dark and the ladder fell down. Pierre asked Thibadox how they were gonna get down. Thibadox said, “I am gonna take this flashlight and shine it to the ground and you slide down the beam.” Pierre said, “No, you’re gonna turn it off when I get halfway down.”

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The Atoms

Two atoms were walking down the street the other day when they bumped into each other. “Ow, that hurts,” said the first atom. “Oh, I’m sorry,” the second atom apologized. “Are you okay?” “I think so,” replied the first atom. “But I lost a neutron!” “Are you sure?” asked the second atom. The first atom said, “I’m positive!”

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Grandpa’s Day Out

A police car pulls up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house, and Grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park…couldn’t find his way home. “Oh, Morris!” said Grandma, “you’ve been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?” Leaning close to Grandma so that the policeman couldn’t overhear, Morris whispered, “I wasn’t lost….I was just too tired to walk home.”

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