Vet Jokes - page 3

Veteran Pillsbury spokesmodel “Pop n’ Fresh” died last week at age 71 due to a severe yeast infection. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The gravesite was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima gave the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded.” Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.…

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01. Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper. 02. In the memo field of all your checks write “for sensual massage.” 03. Specify that your drivethrough order is “to go.” 04. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.” 05. Reply to everything someone says with, “that’s what YOU think.” 06. Finish all your sentences with the words, “in accordance with prophecy.” 07. Signal…

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A man has a dog that snores in his sleep.Annoyed, because she can’t sleep his wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles and he will stop snoring. A few hours after going to bed, the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, unable to sleep, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it around the dog’s testicles; sure…

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These are supposedly actual signs. You be the judge. Whether or not they are real, they sure are funny! In the front yard of a funeral home, “Drive carefully, we’ll wait.” On an electrician’s truck, “Let us remove your shorts.” Outside a radiator repair shop, “Best place in town to take a leak.” In a nonsmoking area, “If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.” On a maternity room door, “Push, Push,…

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