Unfortunate man Jokes - page 2

Good advice for those that are married/engaged/whipped…

*************************************** IT IS SATURDAY, a crisp Winter’s afternoon, and you’re exactly where you should be: stretched out on the sofa in front of a televised sporting event, opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your wife enters the room and says, “What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Is this a trick question? Yes, it is. The…

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Read JokeGood advice for those that are married/engaged/whipped…

A difference you can TASTE!

This man walks into the patent office, places an apple on the desk and says, “I want to patent this apple.” The patent officer informs him that he can’t get a patent on an apple. The gent says, “Taste it.” The officer tastes it and with mild surprise states, “It tastes like an orange. Unfortunately, it still can’t be patented.” Not willing to give up yet, the man asks him to turn it around and taste the other side. The…

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Read JokeA difference you can TASTE!

Fore !!

A lady begins her first shot of the day off the tee. Unfortunately it slices and before she can yell FORE! It hits a man about 150 yrds away. The man throws his hands together, reaches in between his legs and drops! Feeling terrible about this, the lady runs to him and says, “Are you alright?” He just moans rolling back and forth on the ground with his hands at his crotch. She says, “Let me help you. I’m a…

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Murphy’s Laws Of Combat

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you. 2. Incoming fire has the right of way. 3. Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire. ( For this reason aircraft carriers have been called “Bomb Magnets.”) 4. There is always a way. 5. The easy way is always mined. 6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. (Trivia devotees will recall the sudden disappearance of rank and distinctive caps on the uniforms worn by Soviet officers in…

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Read JokeMurphy’s Laws Of Combat

Debbie Doesn’t Do Donald

While Debbie is having last-minute discussions with the caterer for her wedding reception, she takes her mother aside and asks her to buy a long lacy black negligee, and to pack it carefully in her suitcase for the honeymoon trip to follow. Unfortunately, Mom has so many other arrangements to take care of that she forgets Debbie’s specific requests, buys a short pink nightie, and throws it into the suitcase. Because Debbie and her bridegroom Donald have not been intimate,…

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Read JokeDebbie Doesn’t Do Donald

Bill Gates VS Pearly Gates

Well it came to pass, that the richest man in the world had finally expired. Bill Gates shows up one fine heavenly day at the Pearly Gates and beckons on St. Peter… ST. PETE: “Well Mr. Gates, it appears there has been a mistake here, I don’t see your name on the list. BILL: “Are you sure, search again” ST. PETE:” OK, let’s see, theres, Jobs, Woz, Ellison, Clark, NOPE! No Gates!” “Sorry, Mr. Gates but unfortunately money can’t buy…

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Corporate Buzzwords for 2000

Corporate Buzzwords for 2000 Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively. Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves. Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. Cube Farm:…

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Read JokeCorporate Buzzwords for 2000

A Modern Fable

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day, when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As he looked around wondering what to do, he…

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Grandma’s pee

A bus, whose doors are open all the time was riding through town. In comes an old woman, and as she find herself a seat, she suddenly felt the urge to pee. Unfortunately, her stop is still far away, so she decided to pee out of the bus’s door when no one is looking. As the bus rides, she went to the most back door, lifted her skirt and peed. Unfortunately though, some of her pee landed in a young…

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10 things women will NEVER understand about Men:

Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our nose hair. Better for them, better for us. Still, it’s annoying that women spend more time and money trying to understand the minds of cats than they do, wondering about what makes men tick. Which is why they’ll…

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Read Joke10 things women will NEVER understand about Men: