Uck Jokes - page 42

68 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clock to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in. 5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him, “I need some…

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Read Joke68 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

Chocolate icecream

A man went to the store and asked the female cashier behind the counter, “Do you have any chocolate ice cream?” The cashier replies, “No we are out of chocolate ice cream.” So the man asks, “Can I get a gallon of chocolate ice cream?” The cashier says, “No! we are out of chocolate ice cream.” The man asks, ‘Can I get a half gallon of chocalate ice cream.” The cashier, getting frustrated, says “No! we are out of it.”…

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Read JokeChocolate icecream

Initials you should AVOID using!

Just a word of advice to online folks who frequent the chatrooms and gamerooms. This is not only “funny” but really happened: I wanted to say, “GOOD FOR YOU!” to a person in an online gameroom, after she defeated me. (I’m a great loser, because I lose so often.) I typed the following: “GFY!” Try to imagine my embarrassment when my opponent very angrily pointed out to me that “GFY!” could be interpreted as, “GO FUCK YOURSELF!”

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Read JokeInitials you should AVOID using!

What’s the Problem?

A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.” “What’s the problem?” the doctor inquired. “Well, I’m 35 years old, and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.” “My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and…

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Read JokeWhat’s the Problem?

10 things that piss me off

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy…Where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is? 2.The Pillsbury Dough Boy is way too happy…considering that he doesn’t have a dick!! 3.People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the damn tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change it…

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Read Joke10 things that piss me off

Johnnie wants to get married

Johnnie and Susie, each ten years old, decided to get married. So Johnnie went to Susie’s dad to ask for her hand in marriage. “Where will you live?” asked Susie’s dad, thinking this is cute. “Well,” said Johnnie, “I figured I could just move into Susie’s room. It’s plenty big for both of us.” “And how will you live?” “I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance. That’s should be enough,” Johnnie replied confidently. Getting…

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Read JokeJohnnie wants to get married

A Visit to the Pediatrician’s Office

A beautiful, buxomy woman carrying a baby paid a visit to the pediatrician. She complained, “Doctor, there must be something wrong with the baby. Instead of gaining weight, he had already lost three ounces since last week.” The pediatrician placed the baby on the examining table and proceeded to examine him. Then he reached over and squeezed the woman’s breasts. After that, he unbuttoned her blouse, unstrapped her bra and proceeded to suck her nipple powerfully. “No wonder,” declared the…

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Read JokeA Visit to the Pediatrician’s Office

Drinking Again

A guy decides to take off work early from work and go drinking. He stays in the bar until it closes at 2 a.m. By then, he is extremely drunk. When he gets back to his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone up, so he takes off his shoes and starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs, he loses his balance, falls over backwards, and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn’t have been so bad,…

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Japanese Food

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he’s in luck, there’s a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the…

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Read JokeJapanese Food