Tom tom Jokes - page 7

This appeared in a local Sunday magazine recently. For those unfamiliar with the Star Wars saga, James Earl Jones was the voice of that great villain Darth Vader. But those Star Wars fans will surely appreciate this fanciful article : Supposedly James Earl Jones is Vassar College’s Commencement speaker for this year. Oddly, this event coincides with the release of the much awaited “Phantom Menace” and the unexpected popularity of Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen Song” (which, if you haven’t had your…

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On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.” On Tesco’s Tirimisu Dessert: “Do not turn upside down.” (Printed on bottom of box.) On packaging for a Rowenta Iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” On Boot’s CHILDREN’S cough medicine: “Do not drive car or operate heavy machinery.” On Nytol (a sleep aid): “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” On a Korean kitchen knife: “Warning – – keep out of children.” On a string of Christmas lights from China:…

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. “I should be in charge”, said the brain, “because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen”. “I should be in charge”, said the blood, “because I circulate oxygen all over, so without me you’d all waste away”. “I should be in charge”, said the stomach, “because I process food and give all of you energy”. “I should be…

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One day during class, the teacher decided to play a guessing game with her students. She said, “I’ll hold something behind my back, give a couple of clues, and whoever guesses what it will win lunch on me.” “Okay,” the teacher said, “the first item is round, red, and has seeds.” Katie raised her hand said, “Is it an apple?” “Sorry Katie it’s not an apple, it’s a tomato, but I like the way your thinking.” “The second object is…

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A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. “How did you know?” his mother asked. “Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it was printed on the bottom.”

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