Time one Jokes - page 73

Teaching Math

Math Education ============ Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set “L” of lumber for a set “M” of money. The cardinality of set “M”…

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Call Guinness

Three midgets were sitting at a tavern one afternoon. One of the midgets, sat quietly,staring at his hands for the longest time. Before long his friend asked him,” Hey, what the hell are you doing?” “Well”, he exclaimed, “I was just noticing that I have the smallest hands of anyone I have ever seen!” ” Oh yeah”, said his partner, “you think that’s bad you should see my feet” Just then the third midget returned from the restroom and questioned,…

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3 Coded Messages for Mrs. Smith

Mrs. Smith has three daughters who are all getting married within the same month. She tells each one of her daughters to write back about their married life. To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to using newspaper advertisements as a “code” to let the mother know how their love lives are going. The first one gets married and the second day a telegram arrives with a single…

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Evils of Television

A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television. “It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things,” he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. “We put our TV away in the closet.” “That’s right,” his wife mumbled, “and it gets awfully crowded in there.”

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Jewish Country Western Titles

TOP 20 JEWISH COUNTRY-WESTERN SONG TITLES 20. “If You Want to Play in Tel Aviv, You Gotta’ Have a Clarinet in the Band” 19. “I’ve Got Your Yarmulke, She’s Got You” 18. “You Put Out All The Candles On The Menorah Of My Heart” 17. “Achey-Breakey Matzoh” 16. “I Got Friends in Low Synagogues” 15. “My New Rabbi’s Named Jack Daniels” 14. “Bubba Shot the Cantor” 13. “Honkey Tonk Nights on the Golan Heights” 12. “My Rowdy Friend Elijah’s Comin’…

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Nursing Home Conditions

A son came to the conclusion that he must put his dad in a nursing home, because his father could no longer get around. His father called him after the first night and said, “Son I’m so glad you put me in here.” “Why Dad?” his son asked “Because I woke up today with the biggest erection, I’ve had in years. And the nurse saw it and gave me oral sex.” “That’s great, Dad!” the son replied and they both…

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First Sexual Experience

Jim, who is 17, normally goes out and is home by 11:00 but one night 11:00 passes and Jimmy is not home yet. His father gets really worried and waits outside the house for him. 12:00 passes, 1:00, finally at 2:00 Jimmy gets home. His father, who is furious by this time, asks him why he is late. Jimmy replies, “Dad, I had my first sexual experience today!” His dad is all excited and proud. He puts his arm around…

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Driving in China

I have always been a critic of Seattle driving, but recently I had a chance to see how others drive in far away countries, such as China. Since then, I have developed a profound respect for how we drive here in the Northwest. Why? What could be so bad about the driving in China? Here is a collection of short observations I have made riding in the Great Country of China. While Driving in China……………………… Traffic signals are (how should…

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Reasons for allowing drinking at work

1. It’s an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communication. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don’t care.…

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Pack ‘O Dogs

A bunch of country dogs, out for the first time in the big city happen upon a long street lined with parking meters. At the sight of these unusual meters one country dog looks to another and says, “well wouldja lookit that, them thar are pay toilets.” not funny, but honest

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