Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Long ago, when the Irish Sweepstakes was the big lottery game in the U.S., a Jewish gentleman won the sweepstakes and was overwhelmed, not so much with the amount of the winnings, but with the taxes he would have to pay. So this gentleman, named Morrie, went to his tax advisor and was told the best thing he could do would be to go to Ireland, live there for a year, establish residence and collect the entire sum, tax-free. Morrie…
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1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat) 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Contractions aren’t necessary…
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Why the Chicken Crossed the Road… In the Words of the Star Wars Characters YODA: Crossing the road makes not a chicken great. DARTH VADER: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side. LUKE: Crossing the road is one thing, this is…totally different. LEIA: I don’t know…but I have a bad feeling about this. HAN: Hurry up, Colonel Sanders, or you’re gonna be a permanent resident! C3P0: I am fluent in over six million ways of crossing…
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A man decides that he is going to have a party and invite everyone he knows and tells them to bring friends. On the invitation he puts “theme party — come as a human emotion”. On the night of the party the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters n and v on his chest. He says, “That’s a great costume, what emotion have you come as?” The…
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A guy walks into a bar and sees a long line of people and a horse. Next to the horse he sees a large jar full of money. He asks the bartender what was going on. The bartender says “If you wait in that line, drop a five in that jar and make my horse laugh, you get to keep the money.” The guy decides to give it a try. He drops his five and leans in and whispers in…
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Yo mama is so fat, when she steps on a scale it says, “To be continued” Yo mama is sooo fat, when she sits around the house, SHE SITS AROUND THE HOUSE! Yo Mama is so fat, when she steps on the scale it says, “One at a time please”
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In the lower ranks of the MIS world, sorting out job titles is a nearly impossible task. Some folks are called Analysts. Some are called Programmers. Some are called Engineers. None of them has window offices. A truly experienced high-tech professional has held five or even six of these positions . . . usually all at the same time. 10. Programmer: This person holds the lowest rank in the DP field. Manages no one. Answers to everyone. Approximately 50% of…
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A couple was invited to a masked Halloween Party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping for an hour, awakened feeling much better so she decided to go to the party. Since her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching him to see how he acted when she was…
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1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING. 2. Pronounce all one syllable words with two. 3. When giving directions, finish with “it’s right down yonder on the left.” 4. Talk REALLY slowly, and ask them to speak slower so you can understand what they’re saying. 5. When they talk about how great it is up north, tell them “Delta’s ready when you are.” 6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball. 7. Refer to every…
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Guyness Quiz Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: a.…
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