Time of day Jokes - page 43

Playing Worse and Worse

When John Mariucci was coaching the U.S. Olympic hockey team, there was a time or two when he became a bit impatient with his young and inexperienced squad. During one locker room tirade he screamed, “Every day you guys look worse and worse. And today you played like tomorrow.”

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Two Worms

Two worms live together on a golf course. The first worm says, “What kind of a day is it, I wonder.” The other worm says, “You know, I don’t know, but I was thinking of going up and checking it out.” The first worm says, “That’s a good idea. Why don’t you do that.” So the second worm starts on his way up through the dirt. At the same time, two lady golfers are walking along the fairway. The first…

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The Old Dilapidated Boat

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unbeknownst to him, his brother John’s wife had died suddenly in his absence. When he…

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Reach Out and Touch …

This is a true story straight from the EE Times datelined October 8, 1996: The Japanese company Matsushita Electric planned to launch a new Japanese PC for the Internet. Its sister company Panasonic developed a complete Japanese web browser. To make the system more “user-friendly”, Panasonic obtained the rights to the cartoon character “Woody Woodpecker” and made this its “Internet guide”. Panasonic eventually planned on a world version of this product. A huge marketing campaign was to have introduced the…

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Another poopie list

Someone I know found this joke for me. It made me laugh so it might work on you! Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there’s no poopie in the toilet. Clean Poopie- The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there’s nothing on the toilet paper. Wet Poopie- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet…

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Stupid Car Accident Excuses

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. I thought my window was down, but found out it was up when I put my hand through it. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. The guy was all…

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The Tridds

Once upon a time there was a race of small creatures who lived at the base of a huge mountain. They called themselves Tridds. The Tridds had one major problem in their lives in that on the summit of their mountain lived a monster. They tried to make friends with the monster but he always kicked them off the mountain. One day a traveling rabbi passed their way. (There had to be a rabbi.) The Tridds asked the rabbi to…

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Easy Way Of Writing Home

Dear Parent(s), I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us. Please send: __ Money (Cash)! Amount: $_______ __ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ________ __ Clean clothes! Relationships: __ What? __ I am in love with myself __ I am in love! __ I am engaged __ I got married last weekend My Roommate: __ Worships the ground I walk on __ Gave me a black eye __ Committed suicide…

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Mommy’s White Hair

One day, a little girl is watching her mother load the dishwasher. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She asks her mother, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mommy?” Mommy replies, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for awhile and then asked, “Mommy, how come…

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What’s Yours is Ours

At a small parish in rural New England, there lived a priest and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray. She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.” The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property…

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