Time is time Jokes - page 90

cojones

A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. “What’s this?” he asks. “Cojones, senor,” the waiter replies. “What are cojones?” the man asks. “Cojones,” the waiter explains, “are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon.” At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides to…

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Golfers

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent…

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Pigs

A pig farmer had about 9 sows he needed to get bred. He called around the area to only find out the only available breeder was two counties over. So he loaded up the pigs in a truck and headed out. When he got to the breeder, as he was unloading the pigs, the man ask what it would cost. The man replied, “It’ll be $100.00 a sow”. The man says, “That’s outrageous, I don’t have that kind of money”.…

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Manners, Shut Up & Trouble

Once upon a time there were three people. One named Manners, Shut Up and Trouble. One day they were playing hide and seek. Manners got a tummy ache so he went to toilet. Trouble was hiding. While Shut Up was looking for trouble he met a policeman. police: What is your name? Shut Up: Shut Up! police: Are you looking for Trouble? Shut Up: Yes police: Where’s your Manners? Shut Up: in the toilet

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A Man, His Wife And The Cop

A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car. The man says, “What’s the problem officer?” Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ticket you. Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60. Wife: Oh, Harry. You…

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Life of Riley

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. There sits a long-time resident who looks about 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer, inquiringly. The old-timer says, “Look at me. I”m old and worn out. You”d never believe that I used to live the life of Riley, would you? I wintered on the Riviera, had a yacht, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France.” The new…

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Run, Spot, Run!

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he’d been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress. The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the dinner the young man realized he couldn’t hold it in one-second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped.…

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my boss

When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, He is thorough. When I don’t do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn’t do it, He is too busy. When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, That is initiative. When I make a mistake, I’m an idiot. When my boss makes a mistake, He’s only human. When I take a…

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Who Wears the Pants in the Family?

This guy came home to his wife one evening after working all day and began ordering her around. To his surprise the wife interrupted him by saying that she was tired and had a rough day herself. He looked at her in funny way and began unbuttoning his pants. She just stood there in a curious manner. “Here,” he said, “put these pants on.” “These will never fit me,” she said. “I could get two people in these.” Without hesitation…

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