Time 2 Jokes - page 26

Just in case we need any additional proof that the “bozo index” is at all time highs (and going higher), consider these for-real label instructions on consumer goods: ************************************* On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that…

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Barbie’s Letter To Santa: Dear Santa: Listen, you fat little troll, I’ve been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT’S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I’m gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you…

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There is nothing the matter with me. I’m as healthy as I can be. I have arthritis in both of my knees And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze. My pulse is weak, and my blood is thin. But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in. Arch supports I have for my feet Or I wouldn’t be able to be on the street. Sleep is denied me night after night, But every morning, I find I’m all…

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1. The teller says, “Welcome to Burger… First State Bank, may I take your order?” 2. Founders: Dowee, Cheetum, and Howe. 3. Interest Rate on loans: 40.99 % 4. Bank run out of double-wide trailer. Which has been blown over FIVE times. 5. Slogan: “We want your money… uh business.” 6. Instead of candy kids get their very own HAPPY pills. 7. All cash deposits go directly into teller’s pants. 8. Valuables safely stored in a Pizza Hut box. 9.…

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