Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? (Jared: what do you think?) Whatever happened to preparations A through G? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? I went…
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Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America. Little Johnny: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? Class: Little Johnny! —- Teacher: Are you chewing gum? Little Johnny: No, I’m Little Johnny. —- Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day? Little Johnny: I get up early. —- Teacher; Didn’t you promise to behave? Little Johnny: Yes, sir. Teacher: And didn’t I promise to punish you if you didn’t?…
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You know those “special offers” that “you would be CRAZY to turn down”? Here’s how you might wish to respond to them: —————————————- To Whom It May Concern: Thank you for your recent e-mail to me. It was good hearing from you and reading your advertisement As information, I am a reasonably healthy male, over 40 years of age. If you sent me the ad/offer regarding how I may “enlarge my breasts,” I think I’ll pass, if you don’t mind.…
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This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the FM stations had a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win a holiday to Bali. The competition went like this: Presenter: Gidday its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game ? Brian: Yeah, sure. Presenter: O.K., Question 1 – When was the last time you had…
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In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone who occasionally has a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone: I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a telephone call that I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Patrick Hanifin and may I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly the phone was slammed down on…
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A girl walks into a tattoo shoppe and asks for a tattoo of Elvis on the inside of her left thigh. The artist said, “Elvis is my specialty, c-mon in and have a seat!!” As he finishes, she takes a look and says, “THAT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE ELVIS!” He replies, “That is the best Elvis I have ever done.” She disagrees. So he offers to do a mirror image on the other leg — so he gives her one…
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1. You’ve sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies. 2. Your company’s welcome sign is attached with Velcro. 3. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket. 4. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes. 5. You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet. 6. Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries’ annual budgets…
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Santa Claus: An engineer’s perspective I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each. II.…
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Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus, we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled. –=[|]=– A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back,…
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Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having a little trouble deciding where to go. They were a little tired of the locals in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic. After some discussion, they decided to go to Italy. So off they went to Italy and ended up in Venice. On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner. A few minutes later, they noticed a young…
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