Th th Jokes - page 612

Airborne Enlistment

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school. “Well,” he said, “it’s three weeks long.” “What else?” I asked. “The first week, they separate the men from the boys,” he said. “The second week, they separate the men from the fools.” “And the third week?” I asked. “The third week, the fools jump.”

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Sandwiches

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

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BLONDES BUILD A HOUSE

Two blondes were building a house, one on a ladder and one on the ground. The blonde on the ladder kept taking 2 nails out of her pouch, hammering one in the house and throwing the other over her shoulder. The blonde on the ground looks at her, puzzled. She then asks, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” The blonde on the ladder responds, “I pull 2 nails from my pouch, one is normal, it goes right in.…

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A Busy Honeymoon

While a book reviewer for The New Yorker, Dorthy Parker went on her honeymoon. Her editor, Harold Ross, began pressuring her for her belated copy. She replied, “Too fucking busy and vice versa.”

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Brag, Brag, Brag

As I was dropping my son off at daycare the other day, I overheard some of the children talking about their siblings. “My brother takes karate lessons,” bragged one. “My sister takes gymnastics,” said another. Not to be outdone, the youngest piped up, “My sister takes antibiotics.”

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World’s Greatest Charade Player

The world’s greatest charade player brags that he can guess any charade. A TV producer decides to use the charade player in a TV special. He issues a challenge offering the charade player a million dollars to guess a very hard charade on television. The Charade player agrees. Comes the big night, all the world is watching. The charade player is sitting on stage in front of a curtain. Music blares and the curtain opens to reveal seven nude young…

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