Th th Jokes - page 479

Darling

A man was invited for dinner at a friend’s house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her “My Love”, “Darling”, “Sweetheart”, etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, “That’s really nice after all of these years you’ve been married to keep saying those little pet names.” The host said, “Well, honestly, I’ve forgotten her name.”

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Babysitting and Fishing

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went town shopping. He decided to go fishing, and he had to take her along. “I’ll never do that again!” he told his mother that evening. “I didn’t catch a thing!” “Oh, next time I’m sure she’ll be quiet and not scare the fish away,” his mother said. The boy said, “It wasn’t that. She ate all the bait!”

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Not Free

Memorial Day weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free.” One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands planted on his hips and said, emphatically, “I’m not free. I’m FOUR!”

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Compu-speak

hAS aNYONE sEEN mY cAPSLOCK kEY?? Hey,what does this RESET butto $ not found:(A)bort (R)efinance (D)eclare bankrupcy *system error, strike any user to continue.* (A)bort (R)etry (T)urn off come to bed! (A)bort (R)etry (S)ue. BREAKFAST.COM Halted… cereal port not responding. ERROR: D3F2: Replace user and press any key to continue. Error…error…error…error…err C:\>_ C:\CLINTON\TRUTH.COM not found: (A)bort (R)etry (I)mpeach?

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Nun’s Life

So there’s this nun who teaches first graders. On the first day of class the nun calls out all of the children’s names, except she notices that all the way in the back of the classroom there’s this little girl who never raised her hand. So the nun goes over to the little girl and asks her “Little girl, what is your name?” and the little girl responds “My name is Helen Fuckhour.” The nun says to the little girl…

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Red Shirt of Courage

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate ship. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed…

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Royal Sacrifice

King Edward VIII of Great Britain abdicated the throne in 1936 to marry American divorcee Wallis Warfield Simpson, thereafter bearing the title of Duke of Windsor. Subsequently addressing a group of friends on the subject of remaining on friendly terms with one’s wife, he remarked, “Of course, “I do have a slight advantage over the rest of you. It helps in a pinch to be able to remind your bride that you gave up a throne for her.”

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