Th th Jokes - page 23

THE EXCUSE

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. “Yes, sir,” the new recruit replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on, “because after you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”

(1)Loading...

Read JokeTHE EXCUSE

The Lord & Noah

The Lord spoke to Noah and said, “I’m very angry with the way things are going on earth — this is not what I had in mind! I have accordingly decided to destroy it and start over! In 6 months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water just like before, and all the evil is destroyed; if not, I will wring it out like an old sponge. But rather than start from scratch,…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Lord & Noah

map of the middle east

The little old man rubs the lamp and the genie appears. The little old man unrolls a map and says “see this map? It’s the Middle East. My wish is that all the people in all the countries on this map could live in peace forever.” The genie says, “No way can I do that. It’s too much for me. You got another wish?” The little old man says, “Well, in that case maybe you could fix it so my…

(0)
Loading...

Read Jokemap of the middle east

Health Warnings

Due to increasing products liability, beer manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all alcoholic drink containers: Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker. Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeHealth Warnings

The Fisherman

One day a man was out dynamite fishing, and on the shore was the game warden watching him. The warden waited till the fisher came back to shore for a break, and asked the man, “Would you like to go back out fishing tonight?” “Sure,” the man replied and after an hour or so the two went back out together. The fisherman lights a stick of dynamite, throws it out it to the water and immediately after, the warden said,…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Fisherman

The Gas Station

A doctor pulls his Mercedes into his local Shell station, fills up and goes inside to sign his charge ticket. As he’s signing, the attendant looks down and says, “Hey doc, you can’t sign the bill with that, it looks like a rectal thermometer!” The doc looks in his hand and says, “Oh shit, some asshole must have my pen.”

(3)Loading...

Read JokeThe Gas Station

Lincoln the Memoirs

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2. Advising the President. 3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeLincoln the Memoirs

Seaman and the Pirate

An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate’s peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” The pirate replies, “We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin’ me out a school of sharks appeared and one of ’em bit me leg off”. “Blimey!” said…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeSeaman and the Pirate

All that is….

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him. “Goodness,” says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awakening, the little guy says,…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeAll that is….