Th th Jokes - page 164

An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.…

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Tech Support calls “YOU” for help. When you are reading something printed, you wish you could use a search function to get to the point. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say “LOL.” When you reply to someone verbally, your fingers start typing your response. You check your e-mail over and over, even when you know there’s nothing there. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on. You have called out someone’s screen name while making…

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A man walks into a Chinese shop, looking at all of the curious, exotic things in there. He sees a brass rat sitting on a shelf, and asks the shop keeper how much it is. The shop keeper says, “Ten dollars for rat, one thousand dollars for story about rat”. The man replies, “Well, here’s ten bucks for the rat, keep your dumb story”. “You’ll be back!”, the shop keeper said with a knowing, evil laugh. The man left the…

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1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter…

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A fire started on some grassland near a farm. The county fire department was called to put the fire out, but it was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. So the call was made. The volunteers arrived in a old, delapidated fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire and stopped right in the middle of the flames. The firemen quickly jumped off the truck and frantically began spraying…

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Approaching 85 years of age, Mrs. Lipkowitz finally decided it was time to give up her apartment in New York City and move to Miami. She was given the name of a Florida Realtor, who enthusiastically drove her all over Miami, extolling the virtues of every apartment they looked at. “And this one, what a steal,” he rhapsodized, “the investment of a lifetime! Why, in ten years, it’s gonna be worth three times . . . .” “Sonny,” interrupted Mrs.…

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