Th th Jokes - page 153

12 Days of Christmas

December 14th Dearest John: I went to the door today and UPS was here with a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes December 15th Dearest John: Today, UPS brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves? I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes December 16th Dear John: Oh, aren’t you the extravagant one! Now…

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stupid men

John and Dan were ridin their horses across a north americian plane and they were sort on cash so they pulled into a Ranch and went up to the owner and asked if they could do some work for some cash. The farmer said no i dont but i will give you $500 for every Indian you kill but you have to bring thier heads back with you. So anyway they set off across the plane when they came across…

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Do You Live Here?

Father Delany was walking home after his sermon late one night when he came upon an intoxicated tramp on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the man, “Do you live here?” “Yesh,” the man slowly replied. “Would you like me to help you upstairs?” the father asked. “Yesh,” the man slowly sputtered. When they got up to the second floor, the father asked, “Is this your floor?” “Yesh,” the man again replied. Then Father Delany got to thinking that…

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Job Placement Test

A new assessment exercise… Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement. Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing. If they have taken the table apart…

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ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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Seat Belt

One day this man was driving and the police pulled him over. The police said, “Since you were wearing your seltbelt, you win $5000, what are you going to do with the money?” The man said, “I’m going to get me a driver’s license.” The lady next to him said, “Don’t listen to him officer, he always talks crazy when he’s drunk!” The loud talking woke the guy in the backseat up. When he saw the police he said, “I…

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Politics

Discussion between a father and his 12 year old son: Son: Dad, I have to do a report for school. Can I ask you a question? Father: Sure son, whats the question? Son: What is Politics? Father: Well, let’s take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so lets call me capitalism. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We take care of your needs, so lets call you the people.…

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3 Tough Mice

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to…

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Advice for Employers Regarding Women Employees

The following is an excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine. This was serious and written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II – a mere 54 years ago! Obviously, the intent was not to be “funny,” but by today’s standards, this is hilarious! For those of you with efficiency issues, pay attention to #8. ———————————— Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees: There’s no longer any question whether…

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Why is Email Like a Penis?

Some folks have it, some don’t. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don’t have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong. Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s an nifty toy, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don’t have it would like to try it.…

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