Th th Jokes - page 120

Dinner for THREE?

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her…

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The Preacher’s Wife

One day, the pastor’s wife was going shopping, so he told her not to spend to much money. When she got to the store,she saw this beautiful dress that was $600! But she just had to have this dress, so she bought it anyway. When she got home,her husband said, “I thought I told you not to spend too much!” She said,”You did, but when I tried it on, satin said that it looked gorgeous on me.” Then the husband…

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the lost girl

Little Girl to Policeman : “Please sir, will you take my brother home? He is lost.” Policeman :”Why can’t you take him home?” Little girl :”Because I’m lost too.”

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32 Fun Things To Do In Class

1. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points. 2. Sit in the front and color in your textbook. 3. Introduce yourself to the class as the “master of the pan flute”. 4. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder. 5. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of the lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask if he was ever in an episode…

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Little Johnny & the hat

Little Johnny woke up one morning with the shits, so he asked his his mom if he could stay home. She told him he could stay home from school, but only if he went to the store to get some medicine first. Johnny asked her what would he do if he had to shit on the way there, or on the way back home. She gave him a hat and told him to go in it if he couldn’t wait.…

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Whos got the biggest peepee?

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. ?I know,? he said, ?we can play, ?Who’s Got the Biggest Pee Pee??. ?How do you play that?? asked the redneck. ?It’s easy” said the Spanish boy, ?we can play it next recess.? So when recess time came, the three boys went outside. ?Alright,? said…

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The Stewardess

The Jumbo 747 had just reached cruising altitude on the flight from New York to Los Angeles when stewardess Cathy Moran brought the Captain and the Co-pilot hot cups of fresh coffee. “Thanks, gorgeous”, winked Captain Prescott. “You come up here and sit with me any time you want.” Cathy Moran was not flattered by his flirtations but she smiled and withdrew to resume her passenger duties. “Ladies and Gentlemen,” announced the pilot over the P.A. “This is your Captain…

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The Hole in the Wall

St Peter and Satan met at the wall separating heaven from hell as someone had made a huge hole in the wall. St Peter told Satan that someone from hell must have made the hole, as surely NO ONE from heaven would be trying to get into hell. Satan replied that St Peter was jumping to conclusions, as St Peter had not seen who made the hole. However, Satan, being generous, offered to pay for half the cost of repairing…

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