Th th Jokes - page 104

It’s in the iron

Off the seventh tee, Doug sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer he discovered that it was an eight iron in the hands of a skeleton. Doug called out to his friend, “Carl, I’ve got trouble down here!” “Whats the matter?” Carl asked…

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Stranger Than Fiction

For those who have never traveled to the great West, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed on the ground at fence openings on highways to prevent cattle from crossing. For some reason the bovines will not step on the guards, probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails. I need to make that clear in order for everyone to appreciate the following TRUE story. President Clinton received a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards…

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Forget the Ark!

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an Ark.” And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. “OK,” said Noah, trembling in fear and…

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The Untold Quasimodo Story

After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer’s job. The bishop…

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Irish Bloke and the Doctor

An Irish bloke goes to the doctor: “Dactor, it’s me ahrse. I’d loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot”. So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. “Incredible”. he says, “there is a $20 note lodged up here”. Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man’s bottom, and then a $10 note appears. “This is amazing” exclaims the Doctor “What do you want me to do?” “Well fur gadness sake teyhk it…

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The Lord’s on my Side

An elderly couple goes for their annual physical. The man is checked out first and the Dr. replies, “Mr. Smith you’re in remarkable health for a man your age.” “I’m not surprised,” answers Mr. Smith, “I’ve got the Lord on my side.” “How do you mean,” asks the doc, beginning to wonder about senility. “Well just last night,” begins the old guy, “I had to pee in the middle of the night and the Lord turned on the bathroom light…

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The Chinese Detective

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report: Most honorable sir: You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she get on train. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree-look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he.…

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The School Play

Little Billy came home form school yesterday, all excited about landing a part in the school play. He runs to his Dad yelling, “Daddy. Daddy! I got a part in the school play!!!” “That’s really great, Billy! What part are you playing?”, asked the Dad. “I’m playing the husband!”, replies Billy. Disgruntled, the Dad puts little Billy down on the floor. Sensing his father’s diappointment, little Billy asks, “Gosh, Dad what’s wrong?” “I’m sorry son”, replies the father, “maybe next…

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