T was the night Jokes - page 64

A true Tar Heel tale

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27-year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm one Friday. Davidson was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. “You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least, I thought there wasn’t,” he…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeA true Tar Heel tale

Cat Burglars

Two thieves decided to break into a rich man’s house one night. To avoid being seen by anyone, they decided to enter through the chimney. Unaware that the rich man was at home, the first thief began to climb down the chimney, quite noisily. “Who’s there?” asked the rich man. “Meow, meow,” said the first thief, imitating a cat. Convinced that it was only a cat, the rich man went back to watching television. After awhile, the second thief began…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeCat Burglars

Jewish and Italian boys

Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy’s father presents him with a brand-new pistol. On the other side of town, at his Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day in school, the two boys are showing each other what they got. It turns out that each boy likes the other’s present better, and so they trade. That night, when the Italian boy…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeJewish and Italian boys

Horrible Dreams

“Doc,” said the young many, lying down on the couch, “You’ve got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I’m lying in bed when, all of a sudden, five beautiful women rush in and start tearing off my clothes.” The psychiatrist nods, “And what do you do?” “I push them away.” “I see. Well, what do you want ME to do?” The patient implored, “Break my arms.”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeHorrible Dreams

WINE – OOOOHHHHH

A homeless drunk scrapes up all his change one day and heads for his favorite liquor store. He places $5.00 in change on the counter and says, “Max give me four bottles of the cheapest ripple ya got!” Eager with his score, he immediately downs all four bottles and passes out in an alley. Along about 1:30am a disgruntled fag happens by after striking out at the local gay bar. Spying the passed out drunk, he decides to relive himself.…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeWINE – OOOOHHHHH

The Sentance

One night a married woman awoke to a moaning sound and found her husband wasn’t in bed with her. Getting worried the woman went downsairs but to no avail could she find her husband. She was ready to go back to bed when she heard the moaning sob again, only it was coming from the basement. After going down into the basement she found her husband balled up in a corner crying his eyes out. When she asked him what…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Sentance

Fire fighting

A fireman came from work one day and told his wife, “You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we’re ready to go on the trucks.” “From now on,” he said, “we’re going to run this house the same way: When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeFire fighting

What he says, What he really means

“Haven’t I seen you before?” “Nice ass.” “I’m a Romantic.” “I’m poor.” “I need you” “My hand is tired.” “I am different from all the other guys” “I am not circumcised.” “I really want to get to know you better.” “So I can tell my friends about it.” “It’s just orange juice, try it.” “3 more shots, and she’ll have her legs around my head.” “She’s kinda cute.” “I want to have sex with her till I am blue.” “I…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeWhat he says, What he really means

1/1/2000 Virus Alert!

On January 1, 2000, do not open any email, do not go anywhere, do not eat anything , do not wake up, because the world will be infected with a non-life-threatening virus known as the “Holy Shit, the World is Still Here!” virus. It will infect every human being alive who believes their car, refrigerator, microwave, condom dispenser and sphincter muscle are going to shut down due to the terrible Y2K virus. (Although this WILL happen to redneck towns more…

(0)
Loading...

Read Joke1/1/2000 Virus Alert!

Job Selection

Manpower was recently selecting a new research officer for General Motors. Part of selction process involved asking the three shortlisted women what they would do if they were overpaid $5,000. The first women said that she would spend all the money on new clothes and shoes and hope that she wouldn’t have to pay it back. The second women said that she would invest the money on the Dow, double her money overnight and pay the $5,000 back. The third…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeJob Selection