T touch Jokes - page 11

What’s My Trouble?

An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, “I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what’s wrong with me.” “Let’s begin with a few questions,” said the doctor. “Do you drink much?” “Alcohol?” said the man. “I’m a teetotaler. Never touch a drop.” “How about smoking?” asked the doctor. “Never,” replied the man. “Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it.” “Well, uh,” said the doctor, “do you have much sex…

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Read JokeWhat’s My Trouble?

The amazing time saving idea!

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. “Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?” The waiter replied, “Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant… He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the…

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Read JokeThe amazing time saving idea!

Thoughts to ponder

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? (Jared: what do you think?) Whatever happened to preparations A through G? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? I went…

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Read JokeThoughts to ponder

10 cents

A man had a big dance comming up but the problem was he didn’t know how to dance. So he went to a dance studio. The instructor told him to pretend that there is a 10 cent piece on his right shoulder and that he must try to touch the coin with his earlobe in time to the music. So the guy went home and practiced this all week long. The next week the instructor told him to do the…

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My Cookies

Little Timmy went to his grandparent?s house to visit for the weekend. Little Timmy went outside to find his grandpa smoking a cigar on the porch. The boy asked, ?Can I have a cigar?? The Grandpa replied ?does your dick touch your ass?? The boy answered ?No.? so the Grandpa said, ?Well then you can?t have a cigar!? Later that day, Little Timmy went and found his Grandpa drinking a beer? the boy asked, ?Can I have a beer?? The…

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Crowded Bus

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather miniskirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus’s first step! Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the…

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Read JokeCrowded Bus

Frolic In The Sun

We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthly, musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and quiet whispering of the leaves in the Weeping Willow overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene. We lay there, both naked, I knew I had to have her and have her now. Without a word being spoken, I managed to…

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Read JokeFrolic In The Sun

Fishing Equipment

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside…

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Read JokeFishing Equipment

Football

Football…. An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says “seven points.” His wife rolls over and asks, “What in the world was that?” The old man says, “Touchdown, I’m ahead 7 to nothing. “A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie, score.” After about ten minutes later he old man farts again and says, Touchdown I’m ahead…

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Read JokeFootball