T cross Jokes - page 36

The Headaches!!!!

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older, he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. “The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to…

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New Rooster

A farmer had 250 hens he wanted to mate, but his rooster was old and he needed a new one. He went to see his neighbor, and after some haggling over the price, which he thought was too high, he took home a young rooster. When he got back to the farm, he told the rooster that he could take his time, because he had no competition, and he should enjoy himself. He turned him loose in the hen house…

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Bubba Claus

As you know, I have been delivering presents to good boys and girls for several centuries, but after bypass surgery last Spring, I feel that I can no longer visit every home on earth in the early hours of Christmas morning. Accordingly, I have asked a distant cousin on my father’s side if he would assume some of my responsibilities by visiting the homes in the southern USA, as he is from the deep South himself…actually the South Pole. His…

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The Bilingual Attorney

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit’s head, and said, “You’re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll blow your brains out.”…

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Amazing Sense of Smell

It was past lunchtime when a man with a cane entered a small diner. When the diner owner handed him the menu, the customer said to the owner, “I’m sorry I can’t read your menu. I’m blind.” The owner apologized and asked what the customer wanted to eat. The blind man said, “Could me bring me a used spoon? I could tell what your special for the day is just by smelling the spoon.” Although the diner owner was skeptical…

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Damn the Luck

A young, lonely guy driving across the country decided to pick up a stunning, blonde hitchhiker. A few miles into the trek, the blonde started coming onto him, so needless to say, he pulled over to the side of the desolate, deserted road so she could give him some oral pleasure. Once his pants were down around his ankles, the blonde surprised him with a gun and bound his wrists to his ankles. Then, she robbed him of his wallet…

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Advice From Men To Women

GENERAL DISCLAIMER FOR ANY WIVES OR GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAPPEN UPON A COPY OF THIS: 1) The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location. 2) Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing. 3) When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better…

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Sand…..Again?

Kelvin comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answered Kelvin. The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Kelvin overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but…

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Summer Vacation

Three married couples had decided to take a cross country tour for the summer in a Winnebago trailer. They started in New York and on the early morning of day 7 they decided to stop at a bed and breakfast for a bite to eat. After the waitress brought their food the first hushand said, “Please pass the honey, Honey.” The second husband said to his wife, “Please pass the sugar, Sugar.” The third husband didn’t want to be out…

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A nasty bruise

I saw my mate Spag the other day; hadn’t seen him for some time. I was surprised to see that he had a nasty big red bruise right across his forehead. Horrible looking thing. I said, “Wow, what happened to you, Spag?” He said, “Well, me and the wife were doing it doggy-style out in the back yard, and there was a big clap of thunder, and she ran under the house.”

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Read JokeA nasty bruise