T cross Jokes - page 27

Johnny’s ABC’s

“Ok, now who can recite the alphabet for the class?” asked Johnny’s teacher. “Raise your hand if you would like to try”. Johnny raised his hand, yelling, “Teacher, teacher! I have to pee!” “Ok Johnny, recite your alphabet, then you can go. Well, not wanting to be rude to the teacher, Johnny started slowly. “Stand up when you speak,” said the teacher. He stood up, crossing his legs. “ABCDEFG… um.. HIJK… hmmm… LMNO…. ummm..QRSTUVWXYZ” “Very good,” said the teacher, “but…

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Why?

Why did the deaf and blind man cross the road? I don’t know, but he sure didn’t know that that truck was coming………

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Airline Anecdotes

I know it’s long, but it’s worth reading:o) Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: “As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.” “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane…” “Your seat cushions…

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One Smart Blonde

Three blondes stranded on an island decide to go and have a contest to see who can swim the farthest. Well the first can only go 5 miles she got tired and slowly sank down, no more of her. The second blonde goes and got 18 miles and a shark came along and snagged her and took her under. The third blonde had sense and didn’t go. So then she goes to her purse and pulls out a cell phone…

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Jogger and a Blonde

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball. Seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. This blonde girl standing next him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. “What’s that?” she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust. “Tennis ball,” came the breathless reply. “Oh,” said…

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Wrong Bitch

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the Italian front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and had made it to Southampton, England, there to board a train bound for a few days in London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only seat unoccupied was directly across from a well dressed middle aged lady…

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Making the Grade

William Phelps taught English literature at Yale University for 41 years. One day while marking an examination paper before Christmas, Phelps came across the note: “God only knows the answer to this question. Merry Christmas.” Phelps returned the paper with the annotation: “God gets an A. You get an F. Happy New Year.”

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Q & A puns

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest? A: They take the psycho path. Q: How do you get holy water? A: You boil the hell out of it. Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? A: Polaroids. Q: What do prisoners use to call each other? A: Cell phones. Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? A: Cuatro sinko. Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk.…

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Got a weedeater?

One day a man from Alabama comes to Georgia to get an education. He goes to the first professor he sees and says, “What can you teach me?” Shocked, the professor answers, “Well, I can teach you about the power of reasoning.” With a questioned look on his face, the man replied, “What’s that?” “I’ll give you an example,” said the professor. “Do you have a weedeater?” Although the question seemed strange, the man answered, “Yes, I do” “Well, if…

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