Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how societies’ ideal of beauty changes over time. “For example,” he said, “Take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five feet, one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?” The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, “Not very well.” “Why is that?” asked the professor. “For one thing,”…
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“Winterize your lawn,” the big sign outside the garden store commanded. I’ve fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway. Now I’m supposed to winterize it? I hope it’s too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we’ve come up with, outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne’s lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through…
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This jobless guy goes into a job centre looking for work, and is told that he’ll HAVE to take whatever job he picks at random from a bucket. So he delves deep, and pulls out one that says “TURKEY WANKER REQUIRED”. He has no option, and goes to this nearby farm. He speaks to the farmer, who explains that the latest craze in Japan is for women to smear turkey spunk on their faces to prevent wrinkles. And the farmer…
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The Top 39 Things You Would NEVER Hear A Texan Say: 39. “I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex”. 38. Duct tape won’t fix that. 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. 36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken. 35. We don’t keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 33. You can’t feed that to the dog. 32. I thought Graceland was tacky. 31. No kids in the back of the pick-up,…
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Some very important questions to ask yourselves. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? If people from Poland are called “Poles”, why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes”? If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip’s Screwdriver? Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If a pig…
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An elderly Jewish woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex.” “But you’re not wearing any of those things,” replied the artist. “I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.”
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A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. “Hmmmm,” he wonders, “How am I gonna get more dough?” Then he gets an idea. He calls his father. “Dad,” he says, “you won’t believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!” “That’s absolutely amazing!” his father says. “How do I…
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Boudreaux & Thibodeaux were standing at Heaven’s Gate, waiting to be interviewed by St. Peter. Thibodeaux: “How did you get here?” Boudreaux: “Hypothermia. You?” Thibodeaux: “You won’t believe it. I was sure my wife was cheating on me, so I came home early one day hoping to find the guy. I accused my wife of screwing around and searched the whole house without any luck. Then I felt so badly about the whole thing I had a massive heart attack.”…
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The following was written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County GA: We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional, and other liberal,…
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A cowboy was riding the range and as he rounded a bend in the road, his horse balked at a huge rattlesnake in the road. As he drew his colt and was ready to shoot, the snake yelled, “Stop..I am a charmed snake and if you don’t shoot me I’ll grant you three wishes.” Somewhat shaken, he holstered his revolver and said, “OK, let’s see what you can do”. The cowboy said, “I’ve been working really hard all my life,…
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