Sure thing Jokes - page 16

What NOT to Say to a Police Officer

Since going beyond the speed limit is the national sport in many countries, there is universal disdain for those uniformed creatures who stop you while you are driving. Here are a few things best left unsaid. – Hey, you must’ve been doing’ about 125 to keep up with me! Good job! – Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. – I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.…

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Adam and Eve limmerick

In the Garden of Eden, As everyone knows, Lives Adam and Eve, Without any clothes. In this garden, Were two little leaves, One covered Adam’s, One covered Eve’s. As the story goes on, Nevertheless to say, The wind came along, And blew the leaves away. At the sight, Adam did stare, There was Eve’s treasure, All covered with hair. And wonder came, Under Eve’s eyes, As Adam’s thing, Started to rise. They found a spot, That suited them best, A…

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Three Sisters and a Honeymoon

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on…

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Chili Contest

Just recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my community to be a judge at a chili cookoff because no one else wanted to do it. Also, the original person called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy,…

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The Tent Pole is Up

Joe woke up one morning and looked for his wife, but his wife wasn’t there. She had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Joe was afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife: THE TENT POLE IS UP, THE CANVAS IS SPREAD, THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST, COME BACK TO BED. The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy. It read: TAKE…

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The Bill of NO RIGHTS

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole…

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Business Lessons

Lesson Number One: A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit noticed the crow, and asked, “Can I sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered, “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral Of The Story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very,…

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a red head a blonde and a brunette

There once was a blonde, brunette and a red head. They were all stranded on a deserted island. One day they were all walking along the beach when they came across a lamp. They decided to rub it hoping a genie would appear and grant them three wishes. So they rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared saying to them, “I shall grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, you can all have one wish each.”…

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Axioms for the Internet Age

1. Home is where you hang your @ 2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks. 5. Great groups from little icons grow. 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. 7. C:\is the root of all directories. 8. Don’t put all your hypes in one home page. 9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.…

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Mechanical Problems

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. “Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.” “Oh, I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.” “That’s fine. Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein loops across the horse’s back and around one of…

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