State of the art Jokes - page 4

The phone rings at KGB headquarters. “Hello?” “Hello, is this KGB?” “Yes. What do you want?” “I’m calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds inside his firewood.” “This will be noted,” said the KGB operative. The next day, the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave.…

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1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat) 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Contractions aren’t necessary…

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A man wins the lottery and decides to buy a new house, so he goes to the estate agent and says to the agent, “I wanna buy the biggest most expensive house you’ve got!” So the agent says, “Ahh, I’ve been saving something special for an occasion like this.” The agent takes the man up to the house and shows him around. The man likes what he sees and is about to buy the house, when the agent says, “There’s…

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A Canadian is having his petit dejeuner (coffee croissants: bread, butter and jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Canadian ignores the American, who, nevertheless, starts a converstion. American: “You Canada folk eat the whole bread?” Canandian: (In a bad mood): “Of course.” American: (After blowing a huge bubble) “We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell…

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