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Politically-Correct Little Red Riding Hood

There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as “mother”, although she didn’t mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the person if a close…

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The Headaches!!!!

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older, he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. “The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to…

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Follow that Plow!

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy’s advice that if she ever got caught in a blizzard, she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it.…

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Bored Old Lady

These four ladies were playing cards one Monday, and the 91-year-old lady said, “I am getting bored. I think I will get a job.” Well, the other three ladies started laughing and said,”Where do you think you could find a job?” She replied, “I don’t know, but I am going to try.” A week went by, and they were playing cards again. The little 91-year-old lady said, “Well, I got a job.” The others again started laughing and asked, “Where…

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Horny Pumpkin

A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny. (So, how is this different than any other time a man is driving? — Ray) Anyway, as he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander. He thinks to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around here for miles. He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin, cuts…

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Damn the Luck

A young, lonely guy driving across the country decided to pick up a stunning, blonde hitchhiker. A few miles into the trek, the blonde started coming onto him, so needless to say, he pulled over to the side of the desolate, deserted road so she could give him some oral pleasure. Once his pants were down around his ankles, the blonde surprised him with a gun and bound his wrists to his ankles. Then, she robbed him of his wallet…

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How to screw up an interview

We’ve all been interviewed for jobs. And, we’ve all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don’t bite your nails. Don’t fidget. Don’t interrupt. Don’t belch. If we did any of the don’ts, we knew we’d disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for tories of unusual behavior by job applicants. ************************************** The lowlights: ************** 1. “… stretched out…

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Beethoven

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig von Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backwards! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.…

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Patrolmen’s Ball

The woman in question, a cute blonde as it happens, was pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said: “I bet you’re going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen’s Ball.” He replied, “No, Highway Patrolmen don’t have balls.” There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he’d said. He then closed his book, got back…

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You Know You’re Getting Older When…

You and your teeth don’t sleep together. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop, and you’re not eating cereal. Your back goes out but you stay home. When you wake up looking like your driver’s license picture. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. When happy hour…

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