Ss Jokes - page 82

Vacation

A man walked in to Joe’s Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks “What’s up?” The man proceeds to explain he’s taking a vacation to Rome. “ROME?!” Joe says, “Why would you want to go there? It’s a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You’d be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?” “We’re taking TWA,” the man replies. “TWA?!” yells Joe. “They’re a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight…

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Signs That You are Too Drunk

Signs That You are Too Drunk You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream. Career won’t progress beyong Senator from Massachusetts. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case- coincidence?…

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Drinking buddy’s last wish

Pat and Mike were drinking buddies for over 30 years. Pat is now on his death bed and says to Mike, “Mike, my friend, I would appreciate it if you could remember me after I am gone and every Friday, like we have for the past 30 years, could you pour some of the brew over my grave to remember me by.” Mike replies,”Pat, my Friend, I would be more than happy to do that for you, but would you…

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5 really bad pick up lines

5. I’m not the best looking guy but I can do it all night long. 4.Your daddy must be a farmer, cause those are some great melons. 3.Is that your real hair? 2.You have hair like a lioness. I could be your lion king. 1.Baby you have teeth like a beaver. Would you like to naw on my log?

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sex change

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as themselves, and are really impressed. After the game they asked her, “How is it that you know so much about baseball?” She says, “Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change.” The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. “What was the most painful…

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The Golden Screw

The parents of a newborn son were devastated to learn that their baby was born with a golden screw in his navel. Surgeons had never seen this before, and fearing it would harm the boy, refused to operate. The parents were very religious and accepted the birth defect as God’s will. The mother never gave up faith, and as her son grew up she prayed daily for God to cure him. The boy was very shy, always hiding his golden-screw…

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20–Yo mama jokes!!!

1)Yo mama’s lips are so big, Chapstick had to make an aerosol. 2)Yo mama is sooo fat, her high school Sr picture was taken from a blimp. 3)Yo mama is soo fat, she got more chins than China town. 4)Yo mama’s so fat, you can’t even see her legs……it just looks like she is glidin across the floor. 5)Yo mama’s soooo fat, when she goes to check the mail….it measures on the rector scale. 6)Yo mama ain’t got any back,…

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Vacation in Vegas

Three buddies from the plant take their wives to Las Vegas for a week’s vacation. The guys take in all the strip shows while the wives play in the casinos, and they all have a wonderful time. When they get home, the guys meet in the plant cafeteria for coffee on Monday morning. Jack says “I been up all night. Brenda kept yelling ‘7 come 11’ in her sleep.” “Same here” says Bob. “Nancy was dreaming about blackjack and kept…

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Golf In Heaven

Two retired men were sitting in the bar at their local golf club, after an appauling round, in rainy, cold miserable conditions, with a pint of beer each. “That was awful today,” said the first man, staring at the table through his pint glass. “Yeah, it was the worst I’ve ever played,” replied the second. “I wonder, do you think they have golf in heaven? I hope so. Just imagine it, the lush rolling hills, crystal clear lakes, immaculate greens,…

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