Ss Jokes - page 76

new math

Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy Dumb man + smart woman = affair Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

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Women’s Clever Answers To Pick-Up Lines

Man: “Haven’t we met before?” Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.” Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?” Woman: “Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.” Man: “So, wanna go back to my place?” Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?” Man: “Your place or mine?” Woman: “Both. You go to your place and I’ll go to mine.” Man: “I’d really like to get into your pants.” Woman: “No thanks. There’s…

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wonderous piggy

one day a guy at an insurance company got a request for insurance for a pig. The guy wanted to know why the pig needed insurance so he went down to the farm to investigate. when he approched the owner and asked him why, the farmer pointed to the pig with only 3 legs. The insurance man(lets call him Joe) asked what happen to the pig. the farmer(lets call him Billy Bob) says,”well one time my little daughter got out…

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Code Word

There was a priest who heard too many confessions of adultery, that he threatened that if one more person was to say the word “Adultery,” he would quit his job as a priest. The citizens used the word FALLEN as a replacement for the word “adultery.” Ten years later, the priest died. A new priest arrived in the town, unaware of the code word. After many weeks of hearing confessions of people falling, the priest went to the mayor. He…

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Disgracing the family…..

There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that.” She continued, “He is going to try to feel your breasts; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. He…

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Read JokeDisgracing the family…..

Don’t Let Me Be Late!

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran, she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!” As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. Again, she prayed, “Dear Lord,…

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Raining Candidates

Two candidates for political office inadvertently scheduled simultaneous campaign rallies in the same park of a small New England town. After a lengthy round of speeches, the candidates worked their way through the crowd–shaking hands, kissing babies and beaming mightily. Suddenly, the skies opened, and it began to rain. One of the candidates fled to take shelter in a nearby restaurant, along with half a dozen regulars. The other candidate, however, continued to move through the crowd–shaking hands kissing babies,…

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Read JokeRaining Candidates

Gynecologist turned Auto Mechanic

After nearly forty years in practice as a gynecologist, John decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love, auto mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in auto mechanics school, and studied hard. The day of the final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. Most of the students completed their exam in two hours. John, on the other hand, took…

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Read JokeGynecologist turned Auto Mechanic

Moronic bank robber

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” on the back of a deposit slip. While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that some-one had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street…

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‘Politically Correct” Female Descriptions

She does not: Get PMS She becomes: HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL She does not have: A Killer Body She is: GEOMETRICALLY SUPERIOR She is not: A Bad Cook She is: MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE She is not: A Bad Driver She is: AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED She is not: Easy She is: HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE She does not: Cut You Off She becomes: HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE She is not: Hooked On Soap Operas She is: MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED She does not: Wear Too Much Make-Up She is: COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED…

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